Highs and Lows. Ups and Downs. The Ol' Sine Wave. You know...

I am happy to inform you that the muse has indeed not abandoned me. She was on a short vacation. Now she is back.

I do not plan posts ahead. I have nothing written in my drafts. The words just pop into my head and then I have to stop all other work and start typing. That's how erratic it is for me. As everything else in my life, my writing is highly unorganized. Most great writers have ideas/thoughts/something to fall back on. Since I am not one, I had nothing to go to when the muse ran away. So I simply stayed away. I didn't even bother trying or beating myself up about it. I just didn't open my blog only. 

Just now, in the middle of dinner, a post started to form itself once more. The old upstairs-machine obviously has some juice left in it so I quickly gobbled up my food and sat down to type. I shall proceed to give you an update on my life in the past month or so.

As many artistically inclined people do (I imagine myself to be one, so please live with it), I suffer from the swings of the mood and quite often, too. Sometimes they aren't so much swings as they are whole flights into outer space. So I have been varying from the depths of depression to the highs of happiness in the time I have been away. No, I do not suffer from Bi-polar disorder or any other such complicated psychological afflictions. I'm just a normal, slightly dramatic, highly emotional human being. 

Of the time I was away, I spent a couple of weeks back home at mom's. The highs of this period were:

1. Several dosas with copious amounts of molaga-podi were consumed.

2. Obscene quantities of curd rice with tomato pickle were devoured. 

3. Lip-smacking bowls of vanilla ice-cream were polished off every day.

4. Large-scale gossip/story-telling sessions were held with my beloved Patti.

5. Nos.1,2, and 3 balanced out quite beautifully with no.4. No additional body weight was put on.

The recorded lows were as follows:

1. A painful dental surgery was carried out on me that rendered my right jaw completely useless and swollen to the size of a tennis ball. Ok, table-tennis ball. Ok, ok, fine maybe just a tamarind-ball. It still did hurt a lot, though. As proof of my sufferings and valiant endurance, I give you, Exhibit A:

These are the two hard-ass wisdom teeth that formerly resided on my right jaw. They were so stubbornly hard to pluck out that they actually left the dentist sweating. They finally did come out, obviously, but they had their revenge. I was left in a lot of pain that only reduced a few days ago. On the bright side, I did get to eat a lot of ice-cream. 

I hope the photograph doesn't disgust you. M assures me that by displaying it, I am effectively committing blog-suicide because no one will ever return to this space. Well, I thought I'd take my chances because I'm pretty darn proud of how courageous I was on the dentist's chair and these are sort of like a reminder of that. So you will just have to look at them and be reminded too.

2. The second and only other low was that I didn't want to come back to Bangalore. As accustomed as I am to living and being alone (having no siblings and all), I just liked the company of family so much that I wanted it to last longer. No, not all the time, of course. But I'd still like to see them every two or three weeks at least. Living alone does have its pros, but not being able to see your family does kinda suck.

So that's most of what happened with me. The freelance writing career is in a sort of a rocky phase right now. I happened to lose a job a few weeks back. And I've been having some trouble with a pesky client. That just sucks the fun out of writing. It's hard to write for people who have no idea what they want, so first they say they liked what you wrote and then they keep asking you to change everything about it. So yes, writing hasn't been giving me much joy either, lately. 

Well, in a way this might be good for me because I have been toying with a few ideas for writing projects of my own. You know, the kind where I write for myself. One of them is a new blog and the other is a book. These are just ideas for now. I'm thinking a lot about them. Just thinking though. I guess what's holding me back is a lack of sufficient confidence in my writing skills. I mean, writing a simple personal blog is different. But attempting an entire book? I'm terrified of starting. I don't even know where to start. It's like engineering an entire project on my own, solely relying on my ability to string a few thousand readable words together. My fear is not if people will like it, or even if I will like it. My fear is that I won't be able to do it. So right now I'm trying to gather up some courage to get started. Any ideas?

My Take on Weight Loss - Be Sensible. Be Happy.

I am inspired to write this post today after reading an article on the blog of an Indian author. I have not read her book(s), so I don't really know much about her as an author, but I've only just been following her blog and this particular post of her's has compelled me to write.

The subject of weight loss is very close to my heart. Food, nutrition, exercise (you know the whole story) are concepts I've worked hard at, failed, tried again, failed again for many, many years. I have lost oodles of weight and put it all back again. If anything, I've learned a lot from the process. I've even learned to make peace with the situation, as is evident if you read a previous post of mine on food and eating habits.

Img Credit: Helga Weber

Before I go any further, I'd just like to clarify that I am by no means a 'thin' person as defined by society. I may be called chubby, fat, or even obese, depending on individual perceptions. I choose (well, at least I try hard) not to classify myself; I am what I am. I have made my peace with the fact that my body structure dictates how I look and not the latest trends (did you know that size 0 is no longer fashionable?). I always have been and will be a curvaceous woman. That is the truth. 

So coming to this author's article, she's penned down a few (long list of) strategies for herself to be able to lose weight. Reading it made me sad, because I have been down that road. I've written such lists too, tried to be strict with myself, tried to force myself into a certain type of behaviour, but it never did work. Much later did I realize that my entire approach was wrong. Now, I mean no offence to this writer, because her list might actually work for her, and I hope it does. Some of her points are quite sensible, but some I can't bring myself to agree on. I'd like to do a sort of response to her thoughts, based on what I've learned through my experience. I may be wrong, I may be blinded by my perceptions too, so please feel free to disagree with me. 

Today, my approach towards health and fitness is very rational and sustainable. Here's what I think/do/follow:

1. Calories. 

The concept of calories is very logical and scientific. It's mathematically correct that if your body's BMR is 1500 and you eat less than that, you should be able to burn the deficit in a certain number of days. However, this is not the only factor governing what your body chooses to burn or store. There are additional factors such as hormones that work their magic too. Did you know that there was a week when I pigged out on potato chips and my body burned it all? And there was another time when I was on a strict diet and actually put on weight. 

Img Credit: nutrition education

It's important to realize that if your body wants to store fat, it will and if it wants to burn it, it will. The body has its reasons for functioning the way it does.Your best bet is to be sensible and feed it with healthy/wholesome food, eat when you are hungry, and stop eating when you are full. Playing the calorie game is too stressful. It's better to learn to pay attention and understand what your body needs.

2. Sugar Cravings. 

Let's face it. Many of us are addicted to junk/sugary foods. So am I. I have spent years trying to control myself like a mad woman. But control only makes it worse. There was a time when I did not touch sweets for an entire year. You'd think that would have helped me. Yes, I didn't put on any weight. But when when the year was up the cravings got so huge that I ended up pigging out big time. 

Img Credit: tanvach

What we need to do is get to the root of the issue here. I watched a documentary called 'Hungry for Change' that explained it pretty well. It is really not our fault, we are not bad for craving sugar and fat. In reality, we are genetically programmed to do so. Where there is fat, there is survival - is the law of the jungle. It's just that hundreds of years ago, there was less fat to eat and more (physical) work to do. Today, the fat is everywhere, in abundance, and we don't really have to lift a finger most of the time. It's not wrong that we crave sugar, it's wrong that we have so much of it around to eat. That is unnatural. Don't blame your palate or yourself for being a foodie. Everybody is one. Things like food and sex are naturally meant to be pleasurable, in the interest of the protection and procreation of life.

3. Saying No. 

Does not work. Even observing a 2-year-old will teach you this. The moment you say 'no', you know you want it all the more. It's fundamental, really. We always want what we can't have. So forget about saying no to seconds, no to leftovers, no to that divine chocolate cake, no to anything you love. Instead, concentrate on saying yes. Say yes to carrots, yes to beets, yes to greens and also to other vegetables, fruits, grains, legumes, pulses, eggs, nuts, seeds and dried fruit. This is another concept I got from 'Hungry for Change'. Focus on what to add, not what to remove from your diet. Abrupt changes and fanciful diets are very difficult to maintain in the long run. Instead, focus on building good eating habits for life. Understand what your body loves.

Img Credit: achichi

Allow me to illustrate. M and I first put oats into our lives for breakfast. We didn't focus on improving any other meal. It was just oatmeal for breakfast, day in and day out. We hated it, we cribbed about it, we even craved and had some puris once in a while. But then we always kept going back to the oats. After about 3-4 months, we started to health it up a bit more by adding nuts, pumpkin and flax seeds and dry fruits to it. It tastes so yummy today to us that we don't really want to have anything else for breakfast. Plus, it's so easy to make and it keeps us very energetic. Now that the morning meal is taken care of, we have moved on to dinner. We're trying to incorporate Jowari Roti (Millet flat breads) into our night-time meals. It's not easy, as expected. But we're working on it.

Img Credit: needoptic

The concept here is that eventually you are filling yourself with so much of good food, that the bad foods will be automatically pushed out. It won't happen in a day or a week or a few months even, but eventually it will. And when they do go out they will mostly stay out. You will be able to have just a bite of cake and stop at that. It won't be a struggle anymore. 

After having said all this, I don't think I need to explain why the 'starve now, eat later' strategy will never work. Telling yourself to stop now and eat once the weight is gone will not work. You know why, right?

4. Exercise. 

From point number 2, we understand that two things about our lives are different from the lives of our ancestors. The first is the abundance of food, which we've covered. The second is the lack of physical activity. Our muscles are just not strong as they can be. Many of us are at bad levels of fitness.

So what's the solution? I don't know for sure, but I can tell you this: again, you are at your body's mercy. Some people lose weight if they simply walk to the market and some don't even after slogging at the gym for hours. Exercise is not magic. It will not guarantee that a certain number of kilos will be shed off for sure if you exercise for so many hours, so many times a week. And yet, it is important to get plenty.

Img Credit: synergybyjasmine

What kind of exercise to do? How many hours to do it? I would say that the same principle applies here too: listen to your body. Start off slow, don't be over ambitious. Avoid saying, 'the wedding is in three months and I have to lose 24 kilos so two kilos a week.' It doesn't work that way for most people. The most important thing is to fall in love with your physical activity. If you're crying to go to the gym, it may work but it's not going to be sustainable. If you hate walking, you're probably not going to do it for the rest of your life. Take up the activity you enjoy most and is easy for you to make time for in your busy schedule.

Listen to your body: in time you will understand when it is tired and you have to stop, when you can push it to go that little bit more, and when you must keep it moderate. A work out session must leave you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, not beat up. Plan to exercise for a lifetime, not just until you lose weight.

5. Stress/Emotions. 

This is something I'm still trying to figure out myself, so I'm not going to pretend like I understand how to deal with them. I do know that of course, they play a huge role in a person's health. I also understand it's a vicious cycle. Bad foods (lack of nutrition) make you cranky, and crankiness makes you reach out for bad food. Adding more nutrition may be a good place to try and start to break the cycle.

Like I said, it's all still a work in progress, I'm still learning as I go but this is what I've been able to figure out so far. I'm not in a hurry to lose weight, to reach any 'number', and I am really tired of wanting to look like someone else. It's out of this sheer tiredness that I gave up - not working on myself, but I gave up on those ridiculous and impossible expectations. I don't want a thin photo on my fridge, I don't want to compare my body with anyone else's. I don't know if it'll work, but I'm certainly a happier person for it.

Do you have anything you'd like to share or add?

Books || JAYA ~ Devdutt Pattanaik

It was through the episodes of Business Sutra on YouTube that I first came to know about Devdutt Pattanaik. His in depth knowledge of Indian mythology and an uncanny ability to apply those stories to our present-day situations made the series an extremely interesting watch. Of course, I had to read all about him immediately, and when I found out he had authored books too, I was excited. A medical doctor by degree and leadership consultant by profession, Devdutt Pattanaik's true passion is mythology. Among several books authored by him is Jaya - a retelling of the epic Mahabharat. I've never been much of a mythology enthusiast but I must say, "Jaya" is truly un-putdownable.

Until I read this book, I must admit that I had only read the story of Mahabharat in bits and pieces. I knew the main characters, I knew the basic story line, etc., but I had never read it in depth with an intention to reflect on its wisdom and apply it to my life. Having said that, Jaya was a good place to start. The book touches upon the entire story without going into too many details, it manages to give a good glimpse of what the epic stands for along with any underlying symbolism. Devdutt Pattanaik's narration is in simple English, his style of writing is pretty smooth. He also provides footnotes to each chapter/story with his interpretations and thoughts. These footnotes make a lot of sense and provide deeper perspective into the characters and their lives.

The Mahabharat as narrated by Dr. Pattanaik, to say the least, is a fascinating tale. He starts with a brief description of the original author of the epic, Vyasa, as well as its original structure. The epic consists of 18 chapters, and a total of about 100,000 verses. The chapter about the gambling match where the Pandavas lose all their fortune alone has about 4311 verses. To read and make sense of all those verses written in an ancient language is extremely difficult for someone like me, so it's books like Jaya that I rely on. I know there have been several retellings of the Mahabharat so far, but this is the first one I've read from cover to cover, so do spare my enthusiasm for the experience. 

Summarizing or reviewing the book would be of little use, since it in itself is a summary of a much larger epic. As I went through the book, there were several little points of 'wisdom' that I stopped to ponder upon.  Some of them I even earmarked for future pondering, since of course, there is no end to introspection. Perhaps several other blog posts will arise as I return to the timeless wisdom of the Mahabharat time and again. But for now, I will list out a few things that really got my attention. 

• It occurred to me as I was reading this book, that the Mahabharat is not very different from present-day fantasy novels, but for its epic proportions. Of course, I'm putting all religious significance aside. No blasphemy intended. Undoubtedly it is a tale of great wisdom that one can learn several things from, but there are also present within it all the elements of fascination associated with the fantasy genre. For instance, the misunderstood/rejected hero - Karna. And of course all the creatures, some of which are friendly to humans and some that are not. Dr. Pattanaik points out:"The Mahabharat is populated not only by Manavas or humans but also by a variety of beings such as Devas who live in the sky, Asuras who live under the earth, Apsaras or nymphs who live in rivers, hooded serpents who talk called Nagas, forest spirits called Yakshas, warrior-musicians of the woods called Gandharvas and brute barbians called Rakshasas."

• But then again, it would be a wrong to call the Mahabharat a mere fantasy novel, because it is also a lot like real life. Characters change. They evolve. They learn things. And yet, they forget their lessons and make mistakes. Krishna advises Arjun before the battle of Kurukshetra that the war must be fought for Dharma, out of a mere sense of duty. He understands it then, but it soon becomes personal for Arjun after the death of his son. And at the end of it all, the story is not just about who won the war. The Pandavas may have won, but the story doesn't end there. The true ending is when Yudhishtir, the eldest Pandav, wins the battle over his own anger, his own prejudice, his own self. 

• A recurring theme in the Mahabharat is that of karma. What is most striking thorough various stories is the fact that what seems like bad luck could end up as good luck, and what seems like a fortune could actually bring ruin later. Dr. Pattanaik observes, "No one on earth can foretell the consequences of any action, however wise he may be." Also, not every good deed brings positive consequences and not every bad deed brings negative ones. For it is impossible to even distinguish between bad and good. A deed that benefits one, may cause a deep loss for another. Such is the ambiguity of life and karma. 

• The conflict between varna-dharma (taking up the vocation of forefathers) and choosing one's own path in life is another theme that is brought out through the epic. In various instances, those who digress from their family professions have various motives to do so. For some it is desire (Karna), for some vengeance (Drona), and for some (Krishna), it is mere duty - doing what needs to be done. 

• The Mahabharat is not filled with just beautiful women who please men. The words of Chitrangada, the ugly warrior princess, as she reveals her true self to Arjun, truly speak out to me: "I am not beautifully perfect as the flowers with which I worship. I have many flaws and blemishes. I am a traveller in the great world-path, my garments are dirty, and my feet are bleeding with thorns. The gift that I proudly bring you is the heart of a woman. Here have all pains and joys gathered, the hopes and fears and shames of a daughter of the dust; here love springs up struggling towards immortal life. Herein lies an imperfection which yet is noble and grand."

• "Vyasa keeps asking what makes a woman a wife. It emerges that it is civilized society with its laws of marital fidelity that makes a woman a wife. But in the forest, there are no rules. Can a woman still be a wife? It is evident through the story of Jayadhrata that neither society nor forest can make a woman a wife; it is only the desire and the discipline of man that can do so."

• The importance of travel is highlighted in the Mahabharat. Of course, not the kind of sightseeing and luxury travel that we do these days. But travel as a means of exploring the world, and also one's inner self. The 12 years spent by the Pandavas travelling through forests was an important period as it changed them in many ways. They met with Rishis who told them stories, they meditated in caves, "saw the sun rise from sacred mountain tops" and bathed in holy rivers and lakes. "The journey gave them a fresh perspective on life." 

• Draupadi's beauty: "Even though she is innocent, her beauty arouses all men who end up wanting to hurt and humiliate her because she is chaste and unavailable." I can correlate this to a few women I have known in real life. 

• "That which deludes you to be unhappy can be overpowered by another delusion that causes greater unhappiness." This beautiful truth is explained in the story of Gandhari, who is mourning for the death of her 100 sons. In a moment of extreme hunger, she comes across a sweet mango and forgets all about her sons, even using their carcasses as a stepping stone to reach the fruit. This is the power of maya.

• The last chapter is particularly profound. I cannot go into it entirely as it would take very long, but here are the last lines of the book: "Let us all have faith. Let us all be at peace - with ourselves, our worlds, and all the rest there is."

And sure enough, as I closed the book, I felt an incredible sense of peace within me. Reading about the turmoil and conflicts faced by various characters, what happens to them finally in the scheme of life, and the very nature of life itself; it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Often one worries over small matters in life. Epics like these put everything back into place, into perspective. Into peace. 

Zee Top Ten!

When cable TV flooded the Indian household in the mid 90s, entertainment would never be the same again. The days of Doordarshan's Chitrahaar were quickly replaced by a newer and slicker music show - Zee/Phillips Top Ten. Of course, looking back now, it seems quite cheesy. 

I think this show was one of the pioneers on cable TV, what with only Zee, Star and Sony channels ruling the roost back then. I suppose it might even have been the very first countdown show in the history of Bollywood Music. Better versions followed suit on MTV and Channel V, but this one stole the hearts of the masses, mainly due to the comic skits that were aired in between songs. It's a program format that you do not get to see these days and frankly, I might just be a wee bit thankful for that. 

M and I sometimes like to revisit songs from our growing up years. Just for Laughs. When we were doing this a couple of nights ago, one thing let to another, and soon we had re-created out of memory and YouTube, an entire line up of Zee top ten songs. It was super-fun to watch long-forgotten, cheesy music videos, so I just had to share them here too.

There are the songs I could remember from around 1994-1995, which is when the show first started I think. Outrageous costumes, ridiculous sets, aerobics-style dance steps, the kind of music you thought was cool back then (but will never, ever, not in a million years admit to now), these songs have everything that is typical of the 90s era. Watch, Listen, Enjoy!

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Number 10 - Raah Mein Unse

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The video starts off as any good love song should, with the girl making tea for the boy. Their eyes meet over a cup of chai, and they are instantly transported to the land of romance - Switzerland! So then you get to see lush, breathtaking mountains, a green countryside, and then, wait a second, are those flags?! Yep, hundreds of white flags on thin, long poles - wtf are they doing there? And the heroine in a shocking pink sari, who is playing... no, wait! She's molesting, abusing even - a grand piano. I don't know if she's in the throes of passion or is very, very mad. But she makes you want to stand back and watch. Way, way, back.

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Number 9 - Main Tho Raste Se Ja Raha Tha

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Ah, no 90s countdown can ever be complete without a Gyrating Govinda number, now can it? Sleazy as sleazy can be, lyrics that are possibly even worse than the Kolaveri 'massacre'. Oh well, that's Govinda for you. :D And seriously, teri naani mari tho main kya karoon??

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Number 8 - Mukkala Muqabla

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Honestly, to this day, I have no idea what 'Mukkala Muqabla' means. In any case, this was perhaps one of the better songs of the 90s. At least, Prabhu Deva's dance was and always is worth watching. In case you've forgotten, lemme remind you of the headless sequence. Cutting edge special effects of the 90s, sir!

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Number 7 - Aankhon Mein Base Ho Tum

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Another 90s classic. Featuring - Sonali Bendre... 's legs! Seriously, the tricks they used back then to show a heroine's legs on screen. Teehee :D 

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Number 6 - Hai Hukku Hai Hai

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Meaningless gibberish that once again, sold. Catchy tune. Mildly embarrassing to be caught with someone humming it though. Also, Sunil Shetty!! 

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Number 5 - Churake Dil Mera

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The one where Akshay Kumar is a monkey! Seriously, why is jumping about like that? And Shipa Shetty's doing some serious aerobics back there at 0:32. Probably rehearsing for her future workout videos. Nevertheless, an immensely popular song back then. 

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Number 4 - Ruk Ruk Ruk

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Ah, this one was invariably a part of every single Antaakshari session. The song all kids would belt out as soon as the first 'R' came up, and everyone would join in the fun! It was a fun song, and probably one I could still bring myself to like after all these years. Not bad, Tabu, not bad at all!

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Number 3 - Humma Humma

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It was new, it was exciting, it was 'super-cool'. Almost every kid made it a point to memorize the lyrics of this song back then, no matter if they even understood it or not. I remember learning it phonetically, no idea if I even got some of the words right! Definitely one of the better songs, a saving grace for the 90s.

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Number 2 - Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast

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The song was good at first, but then people played and sang it over, and over, and over again. I'd had enough within a few months. It stuck to the charts for a very long time, though. More gyrating, for your viewing pleasure...

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Number 1 - Didi Tera Dewar Deewana

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I never liked this song, seriously. Not back then, and not now. But it stuck to the charts like, forever. Just like this girl who came first in my class every single time. The song just wouldn't move over. I think it was a topic of discussion at all Indian social gatherings and at school when it finally vacated the no.1 spot. 

So that's the top 10 countdown. Now, there are two more songs that I just had to share, that bring alive the memory of the 90s. Couldn't fit them on the top 10, so here they are as bonus tracks:

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Bonus Track #1

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Haha, just listening to this sends me into peals of laugther. Oh, how we loved this one when we were kids. Now I can't really help thinking my mom was right to have called it the 'picchakaren pattu' (beggar's song). LOL! How she hated it when I sang it all the time. 

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Bonus Track #2

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Now this is the one I like to call - The Great Indian Laxative Song. Need I say any more? 

These are only representative of hundreds of other songs that defined the 90s. What are the ones that define your childhood the most? Tell me in the comments!

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This Made Me Smile!

M and I went to watch Kahaani yesterday.

Sitting beside me were this young couple. Dating, I presumed, from the nature of their conversation. Yes, I shamelessly eavesdropped, I admit. Only a little though, for the movie was too gripping to listen to everything they were saying. Two particular lines amused me to an extent that I simply had to share them here.

Scene in the movie: Vidya Balan checks into the motel/guest house for the first time. When she's alone, she bursts into tears.

Boy (in an incredulous tone): Why is she crying??

Girl (presumably rolling her eyes in the dark): Because she can't find her husband, DUH!!

**

Scene in the movie: Vidya Balan is pregnant, yet sending her husband away for a two-week assignment in a different city.

Girl (in a puppy voice): You'll also leave me like that, re?

Boy (also in puppy voice): No baby, I'll never leave you re!

**

After a while, they abandoned all pretense of watching the movie, devoting their time to declaring their affections and discussing love-hurdles. I could only pick up bits and pieces of these.

Overheard:

Boy: How can she not accept it re? I love you so much, I'll take care of you so well. I'll explain to her re, how much I love you.

Ah, the trials and tribulations of young love! On a side note, Kahaani totally kicks Don's ass. 

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