I read somewhere that Indian parents of the 80s and 90s were an unimaginative breed of people. I politely beg to differ. I don’t know about you folks, but my parents were indeed, highly imaginative members of the human race. So much so, that they constantly indulged in the practices of the greatest minds of all time.
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| Photo Credit: Harlequeen (Creative Commons) |
Writers, artists, leaders, great thinkers, I saw a glimpse of all such figures within my own home, in the very people who brought me into this world. I’ll share with you some of the performances that were commonly staged in my family, me being the victim, er… audience of them all.
Note: Translations to Italicized words are provided at the bottom of the post, in order of appearance.
Analogies
Long before I took the GRE exam, I was quite comfortably aware of and used to the concept of analogies. I did not even have to write down the frequently-asked examples of analogies on flash cards and memorize them. So well did they teach me, with real-life examples, such as:
Badam:Brillance, as Butter:Badam Halwa.
The more, the better! Needless to say, I was regularly fed with soaked and peeled badams (non-fat variety).
Logical Reasoning
Similarly, LR was taught to me at a very young age.
Najiba = III A
Sumitra = III A
Hence Najiba = Sumitra
Najiba = 100/100 in Maths
Najiba = Sumitra
Hence, Sumitra = 100/100 in Maths!
Simple, yet profound.
Lectures
Yes, my parents were quite accomplished when it came to delivering lectures. I would receive one whenever they felt their oration needed some practice.
One of the most popular lectures was titled, ‘Studying children will study anywhere’. This one was rendered particularly in the homes of relatives, family friends, etc. when I was expected to bring a book along to study, while the adults watched TV and chatted. A single complaint about the lack of amenties such as table and chair, lighting, mood, etc. would act as a trigger.
Since my father is Telugu and mom Tamilian, I was subject to dual-language versions. So I was alternately told, “Padikere pasanga enga venalum padipaange,” by one parent and, “Chaduve pillalu ekkadaina chaduvutaru,” by the other. An inspired version would include examples of the likes of Abraham Lincoln who studied under street lights.
Guest-Lectures
For my benefit and the betterment of my general up-bringing, my parents routinely invited their own parents, siblings and closest friends to provide the much needed guest lectures. Some of the whackiest ones were given by my Grandma, whose words I still cannot forget.
My beloved Paati wasted no time in telling me that I would grow up to be like Kanthamma, our maid, if I did not study. “See Kantham, she cannot read or write. Unaku kooda ade gadi thaan, if you don’t study. You will have to wear torn sarees given by others and wash dishes for a living.”
Quotable Quotes
Russell Peters was not kidding when he quoted his dad, “Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad.” This was routinely chanted in my house too.
Again, I got multi-lingual versions of this. “Yaaro nalla adi vaanga poranage ippo” by mom, and “Evvaro baaga thannulu tintaaru ippiudu,” by dad. Unlike Russell, I always knew it was me. No siblings, you see.
Another quote that got thrown around a lot was the one about the well. As in:
“Dad can I go to the sleep-over?”
“No”
“All my friends are going”
“If all your friends jump in the well, would you too?”
“K”
Memoirs
As all great personalities, my parents also narrated fond memories of their childhood experiences. Of course, these narratives always included a lesson, something for me to learn.
“What? Raise in pocket-money-aa? When I was a boy, I took the five annas my father gave me and saved it by walking five miles to the school in the next town. Children these days…” <Head bent and shaking>
“Inda kaalathu pasangalukku bhayame illama pochu. Naanga chinnapo we were so scared of our parents. Why, even now, at this age also I am scared of my mother.”
Inception
Ahh yes, the concept of planting an idea was discovered by my parents long before Christopher Nolan. In fact, multiple dream/idea planting sessions were conducted frequently, and I did not even have to be asleep for them. Example of a common post-lunch scenario:
Dad (Looking up from Newspaper): Sumi, what to you want to become when you grow up?
Me (Looking up from Hardy Boys): Umm…
Mom (Running in from the kitchen, Beaming): When she was born itself, I told Amma. Our daughter will become a doctor. First in the family.
Dad: You know, Mr. Verma’s son has gone to America to study his masters. One day…
Mom (Dreamy-eyed): I always wanted to learn the Veena when I was younger. Alas, my parents could not afford. But our Sumi…
Recitals
Yes, I was required to recite several things as a child. Multiplication tables were one of them. When I was in the second grade, my mother took it upon herself to permanently imprint my mind with tables. So she mysteriously procured audio tapes of ‘tables-songs’ that promplty replaced the Suprabhatam. Paavam, M.S. never knew that ‘times-two tables’ were actually her greatest competitor. Every morning, I had to listen and sing-along, accompanied with the correct taalam.
Rituals
Several rituals that mirrored the lifestyles of the accomplished were religiously followed in my household. The one I remember most vividly is the summer ritual of ‘Five Words’. This practice required me to read 2-3 articles in the editorial section of the newspaper every day of my summer vacation. I had to underline five difficult words, look up their meanings in the dictionary, and copy them down into my notebook.
As my laziness grew with age, I was pardoned, and the ritual was reduced to ‘Two Words’.
Newtonianism
This was perhaps, the most brilliant of my parent’s accomplishments. They were firm believers in the third law of motion propsed and proved by Sir Isaac Newton.
Every action, indeed, had an equal and opposite reaction in my house. Like if I told a bad word, my face would immediately be plastered with a slap. If I did not come home from playing immediately when my mother called me, the front door would promptly be locked. If I behaved badly in public, a tiny, discreet, yet painful pinch would follow on the underside of my arm, when no one was looking.
If you grew up in the 80s and 90s and cannot relate to anything I’ve written, I am sorry to inform you that your parents were quite unimaginative, as my reading-source states.
Translations:
Badam - Almond
Badam Halwa - Gooey, Yummy, Almond sweet
Padikere pasanga enga venalum padipaange/Chaduve pillalu ekkadaina chaduvutaru - Studying children will study anywhere
Paati - Grandmother
Unaku kooda ade gadi thaan - You too will suffer the same fate
Yaaro nalla adi vaanga poranage ippo/Evvaro baaga thannulu tintaaru ippiudu - Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad
Annas - old Indian currency
Inda kaalathu pasangalukku bhayame illama pochu - These days kids have no fear
Naanga chinnapo - When we were kids
Amma - Mother
Suprabhatam - A religious chant to be heard at the crack of dawn.
Paavam - Poor thing
Taalam - Way of keeping track of rhythm in Indian Classical Music
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