the patchwork smile..

Looking into the rear view mirror of murali's bike today, i caught myself sporting a frown and drooping lips. Out of nowhere, my mom's voice popped into my head telling me to "keep a smiling face." Subconsiously, I tried to.. and then I really looked at myself in the mirror and had to laugh.. my "smiling face" looked so fake.

Then I asked murali if anyone's ever asked him to keep a smiling face. He said yes, loads of times. Mostly his dad. His dad and my mom have a lot in common.

I guess our parents or any loved ones for that matter, want to see us happy all the time. So when they see us frowning, they just say.. "Smile!" Haha.. how innocent! As if it's a magic word.. just utter it once and all the things you were worrying about a minute ago would disappear. We could just go around all the sad places in the world where there is suffering, telling everyone to "keep smiling faces." Where exactly to keep them? I have no clue.

But then again, it's not just loved ones. Almost everyone seems to have problems with a grumpy face. In college we used to call it "budda moothi".. a telugu term that I don't really think exists, i guess we coined it somewhere along the way. Having a budda moothi expression was a great crime back then, if someone was caught 'keeping' one, they had to immediately change it or face a lot of probing questions or teasing.. lol!

But seriously, my genuine concern is.. if someone looks sad, does changing the frown to a smile really change everything? Or anything at all for that matter? I just googled smile quotes and these are what I found:

"Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles"
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. "
"It takes 26 muscles to smile, and 62 muscles to frown. "

..aren't these literally teaching us that no matter how we feel inside, if we smile people will be with us, everything outside will be fine and additionally, we would be using less muscles? What about what's happeing inside of us? How long does a smile last anyway, if there isn't any happiness inside to fuel it?

I suppose this is the wisdom of the ages. These quotes have decended upon us since God knows how many ages, and we keep using them blindly.

I want to start a new quote. Well I'm not so good at writing quotes, but its a thought.. and please, if it makes sense to you, make use of it and spread the thought around.

It's just this:

"When u feel like frowning, frown. When u feel like crying, cry. Don't go by what's on the face, the face is only a reflection, an indication. Look deep inside and fix what's troubling you. The frowns will change to smiles on their own."

what can i say

what i thought when i left..
and how i am right now.. what can i say..

words are failing me.. falling severely short ..
what is this that i have experienced.. what can i say..

it seems an insult, to put it into mere writings..
sacrilege, it is.. to even attempt to explain..

the Grace i was fortunate to be in the presence of..
the piercing, compassionate gaze..

devotion, hitherto unknown by me..
now floods every single cell inside of me..

Sadhguru... what can i say..



p.s. even a person as bad as me at poetry has only this means to communicate an experience such as the one i have had.. because there are just no words..

silent sojourn..

so i got another request for a topic. this one from my dear friend baba. it goes like this:

baba: crazy freaky stag

Sent at 12:04 PM on Wednesday

sumitra: crazy baba man

Sent at 12:14 PM on Wednesday

baba: hehe awesome.. i read all ur latest posts

i liked the one about music

and religion

music especially.. i can't imagine my life without music

it'd come to a grinding halt

it's the beat that wakes me up in the morning, and the melody that puts me to sleep at night.. and everything in between

so here's a topic.. write about ur goals, dreams, hopes, aspirations and ambitions.. so u have a written record.. give them timelines and mention which ones are short term and long/longer term :)

"baba: crazy freaky stag"
if ur wondering about this name that has been attributed to me, that's another story and a long one at that. need 2-3 posts to describe the whole thing, may be some day i'll sit down and do it.


so, about what baba has asked me to write. I can't write everything right now, right here. But I promise to do so in a few day's time. It's a promise to myself.

Because I'm embarking upon a journey. A journey that will hopefully answer my questions and confusions, help me see who I really am, and what it is I really need to, want to do.

A week I'll be gone. and then I'll be back, hopefully energized and ready to go. Wherever it is that I've discovered that I need to go.

Before I go, I must mention how this would have not been possible without the love and support of my dear, beloved, darling, Murali. I would have never had the courage if not for him.

So, so long. this is not goodbye.. Wish me luck for my week ahead!

nikhil

so i thought instead of finding a topic of my own, why not ask one of my first and oldest readers for topic ideas. this was the precise conversation:

sumitra: hey

tell me a topic that u have wanted to read about for a long time.

but never found anything interesting

pickle: something written abt me

sumitra: haha good one

pickle: seriously bole to bhi problem

sumitra: ok ok fine

lemme c what i can do

pickle: hmmm


ok.. now u must be wonderin about pickle. he used to call me pumitra (goodness knows why!) and hence i used to call him pickle (lame stuff) and the name is still stuck like that on my gtalk coz im too lazy to change it.. ok ok..this post is going to be about nikhil.. not me, so no rambling.

1.When i first met Nikhil, I was insanely jealous of him.

why you ask? Well, if a guy can down 2 pizzas a day with 2-3 cokes and then some burgers, and then some maggi noodles, and then say, 'bas hain, mujhe ghar jaake khaana hain,' and still manage to remain super thin..... well now u know why.

2. When I had a crush on Murali, Nikhil asked me to ask him to go shoe-shopping with me.

again, why you ask? no idea. some guy stuff. i thought it was a dumb idea at the time, but i took a chance and did it. (this was before i knew how murali felt about me, we were just friends). and it worked! no, we did not end up going shoe-shopping together, coz murali was sleeping and din't answer his phone.. but then he called me back later that night.. and we talked and talked.. and one thing led to another.. hehe :D

p.s. over the past years, i have seen nikhil counsel several ppl under relationship-distress.

3. nikhil is my movie-buddy.

we've gone to several movies together, so.

4. nikhil is easy to be with, a fun guy, everybody knows that about him. he's crazy about his gf.. well everybody knows that about him too.

5. he's a good friend, one you would like to have around on a rainy day. a person who enjoys his life a lot and makes sure you will too if you're around him!


there. i've been wanting to write him an Orkut testimonial since long, so now i guess i can just do some copy-pasting! :D





note: if any of my readers would like to read about any topic in particluar, please feel free to make a request. drop me a comment and i'll try to make something out of it!

sumitra on Google

just for time pass I googled 'sumitra'. Not that I expected to find myself anywhere, coz I don't really have much of an online presence. Here's some interesting stuff I found:

• sumitra in Hindu Mythology. (Point to note: 'wisest'. he he.)
  

• sumitra in classical music!

• sumitra in western music.. hmm..

• sumitra in hindi poetry..

• sumitra in travel! this is one is really awesome, an indian travel group exclusively for women.
  

• sumitra in cooking.. mmm.. some mouth-watering indian dishes here.
  

• sumitra in politics. eww.

• another singer sumitra, an upcoming, fiesty one looks like!

An observation I can make is that most of these Sumitras seem to be artsy kind of ppl, more into creative stuff, kind of like me too a bit. does it come from the name? or is it just a coincidence? I wonder.. hmm..


P.S. this is one of the weirdest one's I found.. "baby birth prediction counsellor" what in the world is that?!!