The Frogs of Our Lives

Img Credit: HikingArtist

Prince Charming does not, I repeat, does not exist. Neither does the Frog Prince.

There, I’ve said it. But you know, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the story of the frog turning into a prince with true love’s kiss is actually metaphorical. Real-life frogs of a particular variety, the ‘good’ variety, can indeed transform into something nice, when and only when need be.

So allow me to present to you, a few important things that you need to know about frogs and good frogs, before you end up marrying them.

‘Girl Problems’

You will be crying/PMSing/in the depths of depression/extremely irritable for a completely valid reason that all your girlfriends would get in a jiffy, yet said frog would be totally clueless as to what’s happening to you. He will start off by treating it as some sort of mechanical failure, trying to ‘fix’ it, and you. Wrong, wrong, wrong, right?

The Good Frog: After true love’s kiss and also after many educational sessions, this one can be trained to respond in a more appropriate manner during future breakdowns.

Presents and such

You will have started dropping hints about what you would like for a birthday/anniversary gift at the exact time that is not too late so he has time to shop, and not so early that he might end up forgetting about it. And yes, he will not forget what you said, but said frog will be too thick to get the hint. So after racking his brains about what to get you, he will finally buy something that you neither like nor can use.

The Good Frog: After seeing the disappointment you are trying to hide with a smile, Good Frog will slap his forehead, kick himself for not getting the hint and take you out to buy you what you really want. Yes, this is definitely a possibility after true love’s kiss.

Ahh, Housework…

The thing about most Indian frogs is that they’re spoilt silly by their moms. Also by a few aunts and cousins, who believe him to be the prince he never really transformed into. So in all possibility, he has never cooked, washed dishes, done laundry, cleaned his room, or done anything remotely related to physical labor at home.

The Good Frog: A few sessions of  ‘Perspective Cleansing’ later, said frog will realize that the ‘frogettes’ of his generation have pretty much been raised the same way – spoilt silly by their moms. A mutual understanding with regards to sharing of household responsibilities can be reached, once temper tantrums have given way to a mature conversation.

Romance, or Lack Thereof

Frogs can be pretty sneaky when it comes to their woo-powers. Actually, stingy is the right word. They will use these powers only to the exact amount needed to ‘pataofy’ (impress) a girl. After girl has fallen for the frog-charms, all romantic capabilities will vanish into thin air, faster than you can say Evanesco! More so, after the wedding bells have sounded. Tell me, what is a poor girl to do without some romance in her life?

The Good Frog: Despair not, my frogette sisters, for all hope is not lost when the Good Frog is around. After making sure that his ‘needs’ are met, it is easy to appeal to him with logic and reason that our needs are important as well. Said frog will then use the powers of Google to come up with romantic ideas and (after botching up a few things), will do something to our liking once in a while.

So there you have it, my two-cents about the Frogs of Our Lives. Of course, I will have several more points to add when little Froggitties come into the picture. Until then, I leave you to ponder some more over these little tidbits of frog-wisdom.

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The Truth About Relationships

It feels good to get back to my blog after a nice, long break. The mind's refreshed and brimming with ideas now. M and I had been to Chennai this past week, visiting with my family - cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. We had a great time bonding with everyone, it was a happy and welcome break from being alone most of the time in Bangalore.

Photo Credit ~ left-hand

The best part of our visit to Chennai, I would say, is the stuff I got to learn about relationships. M and I do not have siblings and hence don't have any family bonding to do on a regular basis. We're pretty much on our own always. My extended family lives in Chennai and the last time I'd spent any time with them was a good half-a-dozen years ago. So as an adult, this was the first time I got to see what relations are like up-close, other than what I'd learned from my parents as a kid.

During my growing-up years, what I witnessed most around my grandma, mom and her siblings in the name of family bonding was mostly, gossip. People were always talking about someone who wasn't there at the time and it was never really anything good. There were too many misunderstandings to even keep count of. So my general opinion of extended family was really quite distorted. Though I never did make it known, I was always skeptical about the meaning of a family, when all everyone ever did was bitch about each other. I grew up not liking those discussions, and tried my best to stay out.

But this time, I really did see a very different side to my family. It think it was more so because my mother and her siblings are now older and have taken a back seat. It's more the generation of my cousins and their children and to a large extent, things are very different today. I ended up thinking that if this is what family is like, I'd love to be a part of it. 

So I'd like to share with you the three most important truths about relationships I learned during this visit.

Truth #1: People are Basically Good

The things we hear on the news and other sources around us have possibly convinced us that the world is a bad place to live in, and that we have to watch out for ourselves. We're always warned of being robbed, duped or assaulted. I'm really not familiar with statistics when I say this, but in reality I think the contrary is true. In reality, most people are actually pretty good.

Photo Credit ~ Katerha

I spent a lot of time observing and understanding the way people talk and behave in the past week. I've also spent time in pitting people against what is being said about them behind their backs. And the truth, I feel, is that people are just plain good. Misunderstood, yes, but most certainly not as bad as they are made out to be. 

What people certainly are, is defensive. The fear of getting hurt has basically robbed us of the ability to trust, and hence we doubt the motives of everyone around us. We also misunderstand the most basic of actions, failing to realize where certain words or behaviour might be coming from. 

So the first truth is this: If you are able to get past the many guards and walls that people have built around themselves as protection, you will find that they are really as sweet and vulnerable as puppies. Yes, most people are really just good.

Truth #2: Affection is to People, as Pollen is to Bees

Deep inside each and every one of us lies a desire for recognition and appreciation. What people want out of relationships is to be understood, for others to be on their side, to see the world from their point of view. In short, everyone is looking for affection.

Photo Credit ~ PSS

An age-old wisdom that I've been hearing about ever since I can remember is that when you live in affluence, people will flock around you. Examples have been quoted from time to time, in order to drive this point. And yet, I don't see this to be true. In fact, the opposite is true. The more affectionate you are, the more people tend to enjoy your company. I'm a great believer of Mithe Bol, roughly translated to sweet or polite words, that are of course, not fake.

I was really quite surprised with all the affection that M and I received from my family. They all had gifts to offer us along with home-cooked delicacies, which was a wonderful gesture and completely unexpected. Far from the monetary value, what we saw was the thought behind the gestures and we were totally bowled over by everything that was done for us. 

And so, the second truth is this: It's nice to be nice, even when you are being truthful, even when you are saying what you have to say. People appreciate being treated with the respect and courtesy that they deserve and this is what it takes to build great relationships.

Truth #3: It's Best to Turn Off the Super-Sensitive Radar

As we all know from our own individual experience, where there are relatives, there is bound to be an abundance of comments, advice and judgement. This is really a universal law of sorts and something that cannot be escaped. In fact, since every one is in the same boat, your relatives might be thinking the same of you. We are all guilty of having made comments on the lives of others at some point of time. There's no denying this.

So, what's to be done? Nothing, really. Acceptance is what makes everything easy. If you learn not to take anything seriously, and take everything in your stride, you will see that judgments and advice are a very small part of life that take up very little time. They are only blown out of proportion in our own minds, when we incessantly dwell upon them. 

Other things that are common when relatives gather are comparisons and complaints . Sometimes people miss out a person or two while offering something by mistake, sometimes people genuinely haven't heard you because they were preoccupied, sometimes people were tired and didn't make that second dish for lunch or could only make you idlis for dinner, sometimes they might have miscalculated and the rice wasn't enough, or they forgot to offer you a bedspread or towel and you had to ask for it, sometimes people select the wrong color or material of clothes they gift you - these are really very, very silly things that I have heard people complain about for years and years. 

So the last, and perhaps the most important truth about relationships is this: You really have to know when something is silly and let it go. You need to look at the larger picture, at how much effort has gone into something and how much people have done for you out of their own capacity. While appreciation goes a long way, nitpicking takes you nowhere.

Photo Credit ~ Arbron

So these are the gems of wisdom I've gathered from the past few days I spent visiting with my relatives. What would you like to add/subtract/confirm/oppose to/from these? Any of these apply to you and your family? Do let me know in the comments below.

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