May 30, 2012

Highs and Lows. Ups and Downs. The Ol' Sine Wave. You know...

I am happy to inform you that the muse has indeed not abandoned me. She was on a short vacation. Now she is back.

I do not plan posts ahead. I have nothing written in my drafts. The words just pop into my head and then I have to stop all other work and start typing. That's how erratic it is for me. As everything else in my life, my writing is highly unorganized. Most great writers have ideas/thoughts/something to fall back on. Since I am not one, I had nothing to go to when the muse ran away. So I simply stayed away. I didn't even bother trying or beating myself up about it. I just didn't open my blog only

Just now, in the middle of dinner, a post started to form itself once more. The old upstairs-machine obviously has some juice left in it so I quickly gobbled up my food and sat down to type. I shall proceed to give you an update on my life in the past month or so.

As many artistically inclined people do (I imagine myself to be one, so please live with it), I suffer from the swings of the mood and quite often, too. Sometimes they aren't so much swings as they are whole flights into outer space. So I have been varying from the depths of depression to the highs of happiness in the time I have been away. No, I do not suffer from Bi-polar disorder or any other such complicated psychological afflictions. I'm just a normal, slightly dramatic, highly emotional human being. 

Of the time I was away, I spent a couple of weeks back home at mom's. The highs of this period were:

1. Several dosas with copious amounts of molaga-podi were consumed.
2. Obscene quantities of curd rice with tomato pickle were devoured. 
3. Lip-smacking bowls of vanilla ice-cream were polished off every day.
4. Large-scale gossip/story-telling sessions were held with my beloved Patti.
5. Nos.1,2, and 3 balanced out quite beautifully with no.4. No additional body weight was put on.

The recorded lows were as follows:

1. A painful dental surgery was carried out on me that rendered my right jaw completely useless and swollen to the size of a tennis ball. Ok, table-tennis ball. Ok, ok, fine maybe just a tamarind-ball. It still did hurt a lot, though. As proof of my sufferings and valiant endurance, I give you, Exhibit A:

These are the two hard-ass wisdom teeth that formerly resided on my right jaw. They were so stubbornly hard to pluck out that they actually left the dentist sweating. They finally did come out, obviously, but they had their revenge. I was left in a lot of pain that only reduced a few days ago. On the bright side, I did get to eat a lot of ice-cream. 

I hope the photograph doesn't disgust you. M assures me that by displaying it, I am effectively committing blog-suicide because no one will ever return to this space. Well, I thought I'd take my chances because I'm pretty darn proud of how courageous I was on the dentist's chair and these are sort of like a reminder of that. So you will just have to look at them and be reminded too.

2. The second and only other low was that I didn't want to come back to Bangalore. As accustomed as I am to living and being alone (having no siblings and all), I just liked the company of family so much that I wanted it to last longer. No, not all the time, of course. But I'd still like to see them every two or three weeks at least. Living alone does have its pros, but not being able to see your family does kinda suck.

So that's most of what happened with me. The freelance writing career is in a sort of a rocky phase right now. I happened to lose a job a few weeks back. And I've been having some trouble with a pesky client. That just sucks the fun out of writing. It's hard to write for people who have no idea what they want, so first they say they liked what you wrote and then they keep asking you to change everything about it. So yes, writing hasn't been giving me much joy either, lately. 

Well, in a way this might be good for me because I have been toying with a few ideas for writing projects of my own. You know, the kind where I write for myself. One of them is a new blog and the other is a book. These are just ideas for now. I'm thinking a lot about them. Just thinking though. I guess what's holding me back is a lack of sufficient confidence in my writing skills. I mean, writing a simple personal blog is different. But attempting an entire book? I'm terrified of starting. I don't even know where to start. It's like engineering an entire project on my own, solely relying on my ability to string a few thousand readable words together. My fear is not if people will like it, or even if I will like it. My fear is that I won't be able to do it. So right now I'm trying to gather up some courage to get started. Any ideas?