finally the will to blog has returned to me. yay!

i've been down with a very high temperature for 3 days now.. severe headache and a sneezing fit as i type. no, i don't have swine flu, as i feared. doc confirms its just a virus that's been going around.. and the low immunity gal that i am, i guess my body welcomed it like an old, long-lost friend. 'ah, yes.. Virus, old pal! how have you been? do come in... make yourself comfortable and please, you must stay atleast a week now...' :-p

and yes, i guess this is what it takes to get me to blog again. extreme boredom and a malfunctioning nose. :D to come to think of it, i dun think my brain's functioning very well either. oh well, when did it anyway..

so, what else has been goin on with me? .. hmm lets see.. i shifted into my new apartment.. its a nice place, but a lot of carpentry work going on, so i'm at my mom's place right now to escape the noise and dust all..

oh, and kirthi, in case you're reading this, i know u've been trying to ping me for a while and i always miss ur pings.. hope you're doing fine, i've just been really busy lately. but aren't we all? hehe..

nice.. im using my blog to keep in touch with ppl.. perhaps i could just start writing letters to ppl and post them here.. hehe. oh well, im just rambling now..

im just running out of thing's to write.. seems like i'm turning more and more private as i get older. one of these days i think i'm gonna start a secret blog and spill my guts out there like never before.. that should feel good.

i desparately feel like shopping for some reason.. and that's new coz i hate shopping. and i need a shopping partner. i usually shop alone coz alone is when i make the best decisions.. but now i find it boring. and all said and done, guys do not make good shopping partners no matter how much they love you. they just get bored and phase out after a while... oh, well.

i'm in the middle of reading The Lord of the Rings for the first time. I havent watched the movies but i kind of know the basic story line. The book is an awesome piece of work, but every one knows that. for some reason though, it fails to keep me glued. or rather, i fail to get glued to it. the amount of detail and intricacy amazes me, but also bores me. i find myself skimming through a couple of pages at a time (that are filled with descriptions) and getting to the parts with a little action. and i also have a lack of appreciation for poetry between prose. it's an amazing book, and Harry Potter is no where near it creativity-wise. yet, in a moment of desperate boredom, i would find myself reaching out to a Potter book and not LOTR.. how childish, i know :D

tea time! cya..

confusion...

a: your posts sound like you're very confused..

me: well, that's what a person would say if they didn't understand..

(to myself: sometimes i am confused..)

the answer (not in exact words) : Confusion is a good thing. It's good that you are confused. It means that you are seeking to know. It's better to be confused than to conclude.. When you have experienced the pain of ignorance, you will seek to know.

i must say, i feel very glad to admit that i do not know anything about God. it's like a great burden taken off me. i do not have a stance. i do not have an opinion. i simply do not know. nor do i want to believe anything. i am just ready to experience, first hand.

dreams...

sadhguru says...

"All dreams come from your mind. dreams cannot go into your soul, if there is one. So it doesn't matter what kind of dreams you have. Whether you see god, or you see a demon in your dreams it doesn't matter. Whatever is utmost in your consciousness reflects itself. Generally, 90% of dreams are just an expression of unfulfilled desire.
Dreams always come from the mind. Do not attach too much importance to dreams. Stop dreaming and start living, it's time."

whenever i ponder over things, i come up with a question. whenever i come up with a question, it is answered within a week. such is the way with sadhguru.

last night i dreamed of my friends. friends, from college.

meenal, neetu, smitha, kirthi, deepthi. and karthik and sid and mouli. and baba..

we were at a table, eating together, talking, laughing.

just a few days back, i was telling murali.. how i wish i had been to Isha before college. so many silly things could have been avoided. now i laugh at myself. even that laugh has a different flavour to it. now it is so whole hearted..

now there is no pain. :-) anywhere. even deep down inside. in any nook or corner. truthfully.

now life is truly beautiful.

there were so many good times.. wonderful times. i don't know if i miss them or not. i don't know if i want them back. i don't know if we can have them back if even if we wanted..

my life has now come to this...

i don't know. i am happy.

the patchwork smile..

Looking into the rear view mirror of murali's bike today, i caught myself sporting a frown and drooping lips. Out of nowhere, my mom's voice popped into my head telling me to "keep a smiling face." Subconsiously, I tried to.. and then I really looked at myself in the mirror and had to laugh.. my "smiling face" looked so fake.

Then I asked murali if anyone's ever asked him to keep a smiling face. He said yes, loads of times. Mostly his dad. His dad and my mom have a lot in common.

I guess our parents or any loved ones for that matter, want to see us happy all the time. So when they see us frowning, they just say.. "Smile!" Haha.. how innocent! As if it's a magic word.. just utter it once and all the things you were worrying about a minute ago would disappear. We could just go around all the sad places in the world where there is suffering, telling everyone to "keep smiling faces." Where exactly to keep them? I have no clue.

But then again, it's not just loved ones. Almost everyone seems to have problems with a grumpy face. In college we used to call it "budda moothi".. a telugu term that I don't really think exists, i guess we coined it somewhere along the way. Having a budda moothi expression was a great crime back then, if someone was caught 'keeping' one, they had to immediately change it or face a lot of probing questions or teasing.. lol!

But seriously, my genuine concern is.. if someone looks sad, does changing the frown to a smile really change everything? Or anything at all for that matter? I just googled smile quotes and these are what I found:

"Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles"
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. "
"It takes 26 muscles to smile, and 62 muscles to frown. "

..aren't these literally teaching us that no matter how we feel inside, if we smile people will be with us, everything outside will be fine and additionally, we would be using less muscles? What about what's happeing inside of us? How long does a smile last anyway, if there isn't any happiness inside to fuel it?

I suppose this is the wisdom of the ages. These quotes have decended upon us since God knows how many ages, and we keep using them blindly.

I want to start a new quote. Well I'm not so good at writing quotes, but its a thought.. and please, if it makes sense to you, make use of it and spread the thought around.

It's just this:

"When u feel like frowning, frown. When u feel like crying, cry. Don't go by what's on the face, the face is only a reflection, an indication. Look deep inside and fix what's troubling you. The frowns will change to smiles on their own."

what can i say

what i thought when i left..
and how i am right now.. what can i say..

words are failing me.. falling severely short ..
what is this that i have experienced.. what can i say..

it seems an insult, to put it into mere writings..
sacrilege, it is.. to even attempt to explain..

the Grace i was fortunate to be in the presence of..
the piercing, compassionate gaze..

devotion, hitherto unknown by me..
now floods every single cell inside of me..

Sadhguru... what can i say..



p.s. even a person as bad as me at poetry has only this means to communicate an experience such as the one i have had.. because there are just no words..

silent sojourn..

so i got another request for a topic. this one from my dear friend baba. it goes like this:

baba: crazy freaky stag

Sent at 12:04 PM on Wednesday

sumitra: crazy baba man

Sent at 12:14 PM on Wednesday

baba: hehe awesome.. i read all ur latest posts

i liked the one about music

and religion

music especially.. i can't imagine my life without music

it'd come to a grinding halt

it's the beat that wakes me up in the morning, and the melody that puts me to sleep at night.. and everything in between

so here's a topic.. write about ur goals, dreams, hopes, aspirations and ambitions.. so u have a written record.. give them timelines and mention which ones are short term and long/longer term :)

"baba: crazy freaky stag"
if ur wondering about this name that has been attributed to me, that's another story and a long one at that. need 2-3 posts to describe the whole thing, may be some day i'll sit down and do it.


so, about what baba has asked me to write. I can't write everything right now, right here. But I promise to do so in a few day's time. It's a promise to myself.

Because I'm embarking upon a journey. A journey that will hopefully answer my questions and confusions, help me see who I really am, and what it is I really need to, want to do.

A week I'll be gone. and then I'll be back, hopefully energized and ready to go. Wherever it is that I've discovered that I need to go.

Before I go, I must mention how this would have not been possible without the love and support of my dear, beloved, darling, Murali. I would have never had the courage if not for him.

So, so long. this is not goodbye.. Wish me luck for my week ahead!

nikhil

so i thought instead of finding a topic of my own, why not ask one of my first and oldest readers for topic ideas. this was the precise conversation:

sumitra: hey

tell me a topic that u have wanted to read about for a long time.

but never found anything interesting

pickle: something written abt me

sumitra: haha good one

pickle: seriously bole to bhi problem

sumitra: ok ok fine

lemme c what i can do

pickle: hmmm


ok.. now u must be wonderin about pickle. he used to call me pumitra (goodness knows why!) and hence i used to call him pickle (lame stuff) and the name is still stuck like that on my gtalk coz im too lazy to change it.. ok ok..this post is going to be about nikhil.. not me, so no rambling.

1.When i first met Nikhil, I was insanely jealous of him.

why you ask? Well, if a guy can down 2 pizzas a day with 2-3 cokes and then some burgers, and then some maggi noodles, and then say, 'bas hain, mujhe ghar jaake khaana hain,' and still manage to remain super thin..... well now u know why.

2. When I had a crush on Murali, Nikhil asked me to ask him to go shoe-shopping with me.

again, why you ask? no idea. some guy stuff. i thought it was a dumb idea at the time, but i took a chance and did it. (this was before i knew how murali felt about me, we were just friends). and it worked! no, we did not end up going shoe-shopping together, coz murali was sleeping and din't answer his phone.. but then he called me back later that night.. and we talked and talked.. and one thing led to another.. hehe :D

p.s. over the past years, i have seen nikhil counsel several ppl under relationship-distress.

3. nikhil is my movie-buddy.

we've gone to several movies together, so.

4. nikhil is easy to be with, a fun guy, everybody knows that about him. he's crazy about his gf.. well everybody knows that about him too.

5. he's a good friend, one you would like to have around on a rainy day. a person who enjoys his life a lot and makes sure you will too if you're around him!


there. i've been wanting to write him an Orkut testimonial since long, so now i guess i can just do some copy-pasting! :D





note: if any of my readers would like to read about any topic in particluar, please feel free to make a request. drop me a comment and i'll try to make something out of it!

sumitra on Google

just for time pass I googled 'sumitra'. Not that I expected to find myself anywhere, coz I don't really have much of an online presence. Here's some interesting stuff I found:

• sumitra in Hindu Mythology. (Point to note: 'wisest'. he he.)
  

• sumitra in classical music!

• sumitra in western music.. hmm..

• sumitra in hindi poetry..

• sumitra in travel! this is one is really awesome, an indian travel group exclusively for women.
  

• sumitra in cooking.. mmm.. some mouth-watering indian dishes here.
  

• sumitra in politics. eww.

• another singer sumitra, an upcoming, fiesty one looks like!

An observation I can make is that most of these Sumitras seem to be artsy kind of ppl, more into creative stuff, kind of like me too a bit. does it come from the name? or is it just a coincidence? I wonder.. hmm..


P.S. this is one of the weirdest one's I found.. "baby birth prediction counsellor" what in the world is that?!!

Random Thought #4641

A talented writer is a person who may have nothing to say and no opinion, but can cook up something about their lack of ideas and still keep you reading.

No offense to people who actually have things to say and write them well, but the above mentioned talent must be acknowledged, is it not?

Voting Blues..

Each time I get to glance at my left hand, the streak of ink across my forefinger makes me feel proud of myself. No, I didn't do anything super-natural or out of this world. But I did do something that can make a tiny small, difference. I cast my vote!!

Not that it was a very smooth experience. I guess that's what makes me even more happy to have managed the feat. When we reached the polling station, we were asked to check for our names and get the polling slips after which we could vote. Much to our disappointment,we found the sheets containing the names of voters were strewn all over the place, even on the ground. Not only was there no one to organize the sheets and hand them out in order, the public who had gathered there were making matters much worse by shouting their heads off. For a moment it seemed to me as though I could never find my name in that mess. I thought that my desire to vote would not be fulfilled after all. However, we did pick up some papers and started to search and thankfully after a while and some difficulty we were able to find our names. Thank God! After that everything was pretty simple. There wasn't even much of a queue.

I did feel bad and am still feeling that way for one thing, though. When I saw that mess, I did feel a bit irritated like the rest of the voters gathered there. However, after a few minutes, I realized that people were just whining for nothing. True, there were no volunteers or officials to look over the matter, but it was a pretty simple administrative job. I thought it would have taken me no time to round up some volunteers, pick up all the papers and sort them out according to the numbers so the people coming next would find it easier. After all, don't I have that much responsibility towards my own city?

I really wanted to, but I couldn't do it. I don't know if that's what is called cowardice, but one look at the angry mob frightened me. I felt that if I tried to put sense into these people, they would have had my head for it. The fact that no one was doing anything and just cribbing is so reflective of the problems our country is still facing these days.. And its even more disappointing to me that I could do nothing but watch.

I guess I need some serious lessons in courage. Or guts.. or whatever. Where do you get them from anyway?

a work in progress...

hey.. so im back after a long hiatus.

is anyone wondering where i've been? tsking away that i've once again become lazy to blog? well.. tsk no more, coz i have actually been working on my blog as is evident.

it still needs a bit of tweaking here and there, however its mostly done. and ready to be unveiled to the world outside! ahem.. sounds a bit pompous i agree.

so.. whats different about my blog now, you ask? (in case you aren't able to make out).. here are the main changes:

1. i now have my own domain!! yipee something i wanted to do since forever. my blog is still hosted out of blogspot, so no worries, my 5 followers can still follow me wherever i go and whatever i write. :D

2. after considerable deliberation and hours of searching, i finally found a look for my blog i can get along with. hope you all like it.

3. hopefully in the future i'll try making the blog more fun and more readable. stay tuned!

please do comment and let me know how u like it!!!

for murali....

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last.....

enchanting melody..

7.54 am.. came in to work early today and loving it. its so nice to be the only one on the floor, surfing the net, catching up on other's blogs, eating my cereal with hot, sweet milk..just puts me in the mood to write stuff.

mmm.. i just love cornflakes.. so yummy! there's also a bhajan that i love to listen to in the mornings, calms me down and puts me into a really good, peaceful mood, the song as well as the lyrics. you can listen to it here with translations:





i'm listening to it right now and i feel amazing. it's so true that there is definitely a music for every mood and occasion.

there's just something so divine about waking up at 5 in the morning, cleaning your home, having a bath, doing pooja, lighting incense sticks (agarbatti) and playing some bhajans like Bhaja Govindam, Hanuman Chalisa, anything by M.S. Subbulakshmi. I just love her voice, it's simply.. 'divine'. there's no better word to describe the quality of her music. Out of the thousand odd renditions you can find of a particular song, her's is always beyond comparison, beyond praise, a truly spiritual expericence. hmmm... i can just imagine the feeling of peacefulness it brings...

when i work i like listening to something more fast paced, racy.. really gets me into the swing of things.. bollywood music is perfect for this, and also Hip Hop/Rap sometimes..

if its a weekend and i'm at home, the after-lunch period is such a nice, lazy time. i like playing some soft ghazals in the background, preferably jagjit singh, and curling up with a book in hand..

romantic evenings with a loved one are definitely accentuated by jazz. i love spending some lovely, quality time with my husband out in the balcony watching the sun set, sipping coffee or tea and listening to Nat King Cole, Norah Jones, Louis Armstrong.. tracks like 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', 'What a Wonderful World'.. hmmmmm.. or 'The Way You Look Tonight', 'Love Me Tender' while enjoying a nice, quiet dinner by candlelight.. :-)

when it's night and time to sleep, i love listening to old classic hindi singers like Rafi, Asha, Kishore, Lata.. crooning away from an old radio in a corner of the room, interrupted now and then by the voice of the Vividh Bharathi person. that just brings back old childhood memories, i can smilingly, happily, drift away to fairy-land and spend a comfortable 8 hours there...

ofcourse i don't do all of this everyday.. or everyday would be an ideal day where there are no hassles, no mood-swings, no tempers and no conflicts. which is really not possible. but the days when i do remember to listen to some of this music are definitely apart from the rest..

i guess i would like to dedicate this post to all the musicians of the world who concoct all these wonderful tunes, filling our days with rhythm and melody, making our lives that much more beautiful and romantic..

and i would like to particularly dedicate this post to A.R.Rahman, not only for winning the Oscar for Jai Ho (Slumdog Millionaire), but for all these years of beautiful music this genius has been creating, purely for our listening pleasure.. hats off to you sir!!!

i changed the name of my blog apparently, though it may not be quite evident as to why i did so. there's no big reason or logic behind this, mostly its because nikhil did the nice chocolate theme for me that i couldn't stop drooling over, and i am addicted to all forms of chocolate and the old title wasn't fitting into the header nicely.. so there!

addiction is a strong word, yet a subtle phenomenon. u begin to do something casually, then enjoy it so you want to do it again.. and then begin to like it and do it a lot, all the time unaware of how often u are beginning to do it.. and it really does take a while before you realise that you have a new 'habit' that you are unable to get rid of.. while the worst addictions are ofcourse alcohol and drugs, people could be addicted to almost anything at all from coffee, to TV, to the internet, food and oh yes, chocolates! and sometimes to other people as well..

am i addicted to anything? why shamelessly i must say, yes. but why should i be shameful of it anyway? it's not like no one else has ever been addicted to anything at all. we all go through it at some point of time and i suppose its something we must all learn to deal with. surprisingly though, my addictions seem to change with time. it seems to me that i come to love doing something so much that i do it so repeatedly and so often that a point would come when im bored and need to look for a new addiction..

when i was a kid, i was addicted to chocolates.
when i was in college, i was addicted to harry potter.
until a few months ago, i was addicted to the show "Friends"
i now suspect i may be addicted to my husband.

i guess the worst that i've ever been through was a food addiction.. coz its made me struggle with my weight on and off.. time and again.. and i guess in a way, addictions never really go away.. they just die down for a while and surface at a later stage in life. i'm rediscovering my love for chocolates and harry potter right now..

can we ever get over an addiction? i'm not sure. i don't really know the answer to that. can we learn to live so that it doesn't affect us drastically? i think the answer to that one is .. yes.

so.. im back again after a super hectic, tiring weekend of travelling, still trying to get back into the swing of things.

lately i've been spending some time trying to learn about different religions and what they teach, in a quest to understand what life is all about. it's a very interesting exercise, however, far from clearing my doubts its just made me all confused. not that i have read much.. probably like half of the Bhagvad Gita and a few verses from the Quran.. its all written in a language that no one speaks or uses anymore, and so its all open to different interpretations. i know neither Arabic nor Sanskrit and hence heavily depend on the translations and interpretations, which means i can only read some one else's understanding of these holy texts, not the orginal way that God might have intented it to be.

which leads me to think about the whole credibility of religion. if God indeed had revealed these texts to great men in the past, it was obviously done in the language and style that people of those days understood easily and accepted. Obviously God must be aware that times and people change and styles and customs and languages change as well.. why then, can't God reveal the divine secrets or laws of life again to us in a way that we can understand it? In plain simple english.. like..in a blogpost or something.. has God given up on our generation? Is there no hope for us?

then again, this is merely another confusion, a part of my frustration that there are no real answers to my questions.

religious people really believe whatever the Holy texts of their respective religions tell them. Atheists really believe that there is no God. What do I believe? I have no idea.

Not that I dont want to. Believe me, I want more than anything else to have a system, a Guru, a God. Like all human beings, I want to believe that there is a higher power, there is a reason for this silly world, and we are all really going somewhere and all the madness that is this world really has a reason.. but which reason do I believe?

The Quran says that we must follow the rules set down by Allah, and if we sin, on the day of judgement, we will be punished severely. these punishments do seem severe. However, Allah is also forgiving. I assume that the Bible says something similar to that as well. But I dont understand.. how that's possible. Why would God give mankind the gift of free will, and then punish us for our choices? How can God say, you can take road A or road B, its absolutely your wish, but if you take A you'll go to a beautiful, bountiful paradise and if you take B, you will burn in the eternal fire of Hell. That can't be free will can it? No offense, but it sounds kind of sadistic to me. There's seriously something wrong with this concept or my interpretation of it. I'm sure God can't be like that.. there must be some other vital point or logic that we are missing. I want to believe that God is more rational, moderate and loving and not an extremist, no matter what people do.

The Bhagvad Gita, however, doesn't talk about a day of judgement, but of reincarnation. It says that whatever we do out of our free will, we will face the consequences in this world itself, whatever we do, we will think about it deeply at the hour of our death and in this way, we decide the nature of our life and destiny in our next birth, in this way, humans decide their own fate. if we have lived a very pure life and can think of nothing else but God at the time of death, the soul automatically passes on to God, and there will be no more lives. This is the concept of Moksha, or Nirvana. Hell is to be born on this world again and as long as we sin, we will suffer here. Heaven is to do good deeds and attain the realization of God, thus breaking the cycle of reincarnation and attaining freedom. While this is a more liberal or moderate view than the previous one, there are things I don't understand here as well.

Such as, why do we have this cycle in the first place? who are we and how did we accept to be a part of this cycle? did we sign some kind of eternal, binding contract? who made this cycle and for what reason? what is it meant to accomplish? it is believed in all religions that the world will come to an end some day. So what happens when the world is destroyed, to all those souls who are still in the cycle of reincarnation and have not attained their Moksha yet? where will they go? what will they do, since they have not attained the realisation of God yet. there seems to be no answer for that.. or maybe i haven't found it yet.

Is all of this stuff really as serious as we take it. Is it really such a big deal? What if God is just playing a game? What if this is all really just an experiment, or something like a video game. What if we are here just for fun, to play different roles and have a good time. What if in reality, there is no sin and there's nothing wrong to do what we feel like? What if we are just wasting our time in all these rules written centuries and centuries ago, instead of just enjoying ourselves now. or is everyone enjoying, and just me that's confused?

i read a verse in the Bhagvad Gita yesterday that the human eye is not designed to see God. As in even if God showed us, our eye could not see Him/Her. This kind of reminded me of the sound thing we learned in school that the human ear is not designed to hear super sonic stuff. maybe even our brains are not designed to comprehend the secrets of the universe no matter how much we try. maybe me trying to understand all this stuff is as futile as trying to teach an elephant to speak english. maybe i just can't.

but will it stop me trying? will it stop my questions and my quest to find answers? maybe not. im not sure. im still confused.

horrible headaches

my head is pounding so badly.. i think it would hurt less if i chopped it into a million pieces, stuffed it in a bag and threw into a jaw crusher.

doc says it might be a stress related ache. so im at home trying to rest.. but looks like im addicted to blogging now. couldnt keep myself away for long.

there was this ayurvedic program on TV earlier about headaches. i thought i might get some tips to help me, but this guy said u have to take tulsi powder and inhale it up ur nose. hearing that kind of made my head ache some more..

i wonder what makes an interesting blog? i wonder why people would be interested to read that i have a headache today. or a ear ache tomorrow. why do people write about such stuff.. what could be remotely interesting about the mundane events of the everyday lives of people? and yet so many people blog about it and so many others read these blogs.. ours is a weird generation. maybe we derive comfort when we read about other's lives and find some sense of familiarity, to know that we are not alone..

ok.. im just rambling on about nothing. should try to do this some other time..

Moral Policing??!

...........is ridiculous!!!!!

in fact, so much so, that any words of protest against it seem like a waste of words. It just weakens me to see that even in this day and age, there are people who believe that women have different rules than men and need to be chaperoned all the time.

I don't mind people having such ideas, i believe that everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, however, these cannot be inflicted on others. It's immoral and wrong to force your ideas on others who simply do not believe them!

And to those who believe that women in pubs are against Hindu culture, I would like to have them know that they know nothing about Hindu culture. This 'so called' culture is not a culture at all, but a strange set of rules concocted by a few men in all their manly pride. I'm no scholar, but of whatever I have read of the religious scriptures, I have never come across anything about the code and conduct of a woman, or what women should and should not do. Even if there are such rules, women should definitely have the freedom of choice as to whether they would like to follow these or not.

If you have no idea what i'm talking about, check this news article here:

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/8-hurt-as-hindu-group-attacks-women-in-mangalore-pub/83670-3.html

Unfortunately, this is not just the case in India or with Hindus, there are several countries and cultures where the policing of women continues to happen. Perhaps we women should get together and start the moral policing of men, go to bars and brothels and beat up men who get drunk and abuse their families. That, is definitely not a part of any culture!

Well, that day may be far away, but there is a really interesting campaign going on in protest of all these events.. It's called the Pink Chaddi Campaign, you can check it out here:

thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com

It's a simple, brilliant, innovative, non-violent approach to the issue, though I really doubt how much of an impact it would have on these people with addled brains. Let's hope for the best though, and try to help those who are trying to make a difference..

Meanwhile, a more serious approach to the issue might be to arrange some kind of counselling to such self-appointed moral police. Perhaps they are truly misguided and need to be shown the error of their ways.

yay!!

my blog got a makeover.. yippeee!!

thanks to nikhil.. you are the best!

so .. i guess it's pretty obvious that i love chocolates.. :D and with valentine's day around the corner, it's a more obvious hint than ever for someone ;-)


hehe.. i lloooooovvve chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a funny life..

so.. it's 1.56pm.. i'm at work.. trying to work, and trying to think of something to write about as well.. nothing comes to mind so i guess i'll write about how i cant think of anything to write about.. :D

it's been ages since i felt like writing something good. I've always been an avid diary-person. not like a "dear diary, this is what happened today" kind of person, but more like.. penning down thoughts, feelings, ramblings, basically figuring out things on paper.. but the funny thing about me is.. i've always hated keeping my diaries.. as i move on to a new phase in life, i like to take my old diary and tear out each and every page.. it's given me some strange sense of satisfaction.. to know that i'm leaving behind what i've been so far.. i guess it's symbolic of having a fresh start, blank book, new page to start from. I'm weird that way.. but then again.. i'm weird every way..

so many things on my mind these days.. but gone are those days when i actually had time to write down everything.. sit in a corner, diary in hand, pondering over thoughts for hours together.. i guess we could say that was a hobby.. :D

i've always been a dreamy sort of person.. sort of like Luna Lovegood (if you read Harry Potter) but not so looney.. not too sure if i should be saying that with pride or guilt.. but one thing i would say is that it's definitely not a well appreciated quality.. being lost in ur own world, you often find yourself rudely awakened to a reality that seems much much more harsh than it is.. and people unforgiving of your absent mindedness. dreaminess is a quality portrayed with such romance in books and movies.. the misunderstood princess, the ugly duckling, the sleeping beauty, the ill treated step-daughter.. all biding their time, waiting, watching, dreaming.... and in the end they all get their fairy-tale ending...

unfortunately, in reality, dreaminess is more of a curse than a romantic phenomenon.. in a competitve world full of rat races and cat races and dog races, ur plight becomes more like that kid from "Taare Zameen Par".. and there's not always an "Aamir Khan" to come and rescue you.. and soon you find most of your crazy dreams crashing down at the speed of light, hitting rock bottom, shattering to a thousand pieces.. leaving you crushed, maybe for lifetime you think....

Then someone comes a-long, gives you some hope, a hope of a better life, a better way, a new way.. maybe there is a way.. you hope new hopes, dream new dreams.. maybe there's a way through these dreams to reality.. but this time there's something different.. there's a fear.. a fear of falling, a fear of crashing, you hesitate to spread those wings, to soar into new realms of happiness.. and so you wait.. wait for a sign, wait for a signal.. something to tell you that this is the right one, this is the right time.. its going to be right this time.. terrified of rejection, you wait, you watch.. and you keep watching until one day you find it all walking away from you. Just like that. it's almost as though you expected it to happen.. it's almost as though you knew it would.. there's tears in your eyes but your heart feels numb.. as though its been preparing for this moment all along.. you aren't crushed but you have no hope either.. and this funny life just goes on.....


And then there comes a time when u have had enough. you realise that you have been setting yourself up for failure all along. you decide that enough is enough and it's time you had some happiness too. you decide that if life wont give it to you, you'll go and snatch it up for yourself. you realise that no one is going to come and stand up for you except for you.. and then.. miraculously.. everything changes! you find the person you've always been waiting for.. you find the person who will hold your hand and stand up for you.. and will leave you amazed.. amazed at how unbelievable this life can be.. at how it was coming all along.. how it was on the way.. waiting and watching, just to be sure that this is what you wanted, to be sure that you wanted it enough to go and get it..

you might think you now have your fairy tale.. and this is life's rosy ending. but instead you find this is just the beginning, because having your fairy tale means working hard to make it last forever.. and hence life goes on... in a series of delights and disappointments... this funny life goes on and on.. where to, no one knows..