Feb 9, 2009

a funny life..



so.. it's 1.56pm.. i'm at work.. trying to work, and trying to think of something to write about as well.. nothing comes to mind so i guess i'll write about how i cant think of anything to write about.. :D

it's been ages since i felt like writing something good. I've always been an avid diary-person. not like a "dear diary, this is what happened today" kind of person, but more like.. penning down thoughts, feelings, ramblings, basically figuring out things on paper.. but the funny thing about me is.. i've always hated keeping my diaries.. as i move on to a new phase in life, i like to take my old diary and tear out each and every page.. it's given me some strange sense of satisfaction.. to know that i'm leaving behind what i've been so far.. i guess it's symbolic of having a fresh start, blank book, new page to start from. I'm weird that way.. but then again.. i'm weird every way..

so many things on my mind these days.. but gone are those days when i actually had time to write down everything.. sit in a corner, diary in hand, pondering over thoughts for hours together.. i guess we could say that was a hobby.. :D

i've always been a dreamy sort of person.. sort of like Luna Lovegood (if you read Harry Potter) but not so looney.. not too sure if i should be saying that with pride or guilt.. but one thing i would say is that it's definitely not a well appreciated quality.. being lost in ur own world, you often find yourself rudely awakened to a reality that seems much much more harsh than it is.. and people unforgiving of your absent mindedness. dreaminess is a quality portrayed with such romance in books and movies.. the misunderstood princess, the ugly duckling, the sleeping beauty, the ill treated step-daughter.. all biding their time, waiting, watching, dreaming.... and in the end they all get their fairy-tale ending...

unfortunately, in reality, dreaminess is more of a curse than a romantic phenomenon.. in a competitve world full of rat races and cat races and dog races, ur plight becomes more like that kid from "Taare Zameen Par".. and there's not always an "Aamir Khan" to come and rescue you.. and soon you find most of your crazy dreams crashing down at the speed of light, hitting rock bottom, shattering to a thousand pieces.. leaving you crushed, maybe for lifetime you think....

Then someone comes a-long, gives you some hope, a hope of a better life, a better way, a new way.. maybe there is a way.. you hope new hopes, dream new dreams.. maybe there's a way through these dreams to reality.. but this time there's something different.. there's a fear.. a fear of falling, a fear of crashing, you hesitate to spread those wings, to soar into new realms of happiness.. and so you wait.. wait for a sign, wait for a signal.. something to tell you that this is the right one, this is the right time.. its going to be right this time.. terrified of rejection, you wait, you watch.. and you keep watching until one day you find it all walking away from you. Just like that. it's almost as though you expected it to happen.. it's almost as though you knew it would.. there's tears in your eyes but your heart feels numb.. as though its been preparing for this moment all along.. you aren't crushed but you have no hope either.. and this funny life just goes on.....


And then there comes a time when u have had enough. you realise that you have been setting yourself up for failure all along. you decide that enough is enough and it's time you had some happiness too. you decide that if life wont give it to you, you'll go and snatch it up for yourself. you realise that no one is going to come and stand up for you except for you.. and then.. miraculously.. everything changes! you find the person you've always been waiting for.. you find the person who will hold your hand and stand up for you.. and will leave you amazed.. amazed at how unbelievable this life can be.. at how it was coming all along.. how it was on the way.. waiting and watching, just to be sure that this is what you wanted, to be sure that you wanted it enough to go and get it..

you might think you now have your fairy tale.. and this is life's rosy ending. but instead you find this is just the beginning, because having your fairy tale means working hard to make it last forever.. and hence life goes on... in a series of delights and disappointments... this funny life goes on and on.. where to, no one knows..

4 comments:

  1. hey i really like ur thot process .. when i started reading i did'nt think u would touch upon so many things :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. first of all welcome back sumitra...i thought u will never come back to this blog anymore..cos i thought u hv got someone to share ur thought and u wont share it here .. but i m very happy to see u here...and more happy cos i can see a glimps of new sumitra here..new blosome of life...and i m sure ur fairy tale is going to go on good lines..and i m sure u will make it go the way u want...wish u all the ahppiness...
    love

    ReplyDelete
  3. hey.. thanks so much u guys! this definitely inspires me to write more and more :D

    ReplyDelete