Feb 27, 2009

for murali....

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last.....

Feb 26, 2009

enchanting melody..

7.54 am.. came in to work early today and loving it. its so nice to be the only one on the floor, surfing the net, catching up on other's blogs, eating my cereal with hot, sweet milk..just puts me in the mood to write stuff.

mmm.. i just love cornflakes.. so yummy! there's also a bhajan that i love to listen to in the mornings, calms me down and puts me into a really good, peaceful mood, the song as well as the lyrics. you can listen to it here with translations:

i'm listening to it right now and i feel amazing. it's so true that there is definitely a music for every mood and occasion.

there's just something so divine about waking up at 5 in the morning, cleaning your home, having a bath, doing pooja, lighting incense sticks (agarbatti) and playing some bhajans like Bhaja Govindam, Hanuman Chalisa, anything by M.S. Subbulakshmi. I just love her voice, it's simply.. 'divine'. there's no better word to describe the quality of her music. Out of the thousand odd renditions you can find of a particular song, her's is always beyond comparison, beyond praise, a truly spiritual expericence. hmmm... i can just imagine the feeling of peacefulness it brings...

when i work i like listening to something more fast paced, racy.. really gets me into the swing of things.. bollywood music is perfect for this, and also Hip Hop/Rap sometimes..

if its a weekend and i'm at home, the after-lunch period is such a nice, lazy time. i like playing some soft ghazals in the background, preferably jagjit singh, and curling up with a book in hand..

romantic evenings with a loved one are definitely accentuated by jazz. i love spending some lovely, quality time with my husband out in the balcony watching the sun set, sipping coffee or tea and listening to Nat King Cole, Norah Jones, Louis Armstrong.. tracks like 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', 'What a Wonderful World'.. hmmmmm.. or 'The Way You Look Tonight', 'Love Me Tender' while enjoying a nice, quiet dinner by candlelight.. :-)

when it's night and time to sleep, i love listening to old classic hindi singers like Rafi, Asha, Kishore, Lata.. crooning away from an old radio in a corner of the room, interrupted now and then by the voice of the Vividh Bharathi person. that just brings back old childhood memories, i can smilingly, happily, drift away to fairy-land and spend a comfortable 8 hours there...

ofcourse i don't do all of this everyday.. or everyday would be an ideal day where there are no hassles, no mood-swings, no tempers and no conflicts. which is really not possible. but the days when i do remember to listen to some of this music are definitely apart from the rest..

i guess i would like to dedicate this post to all the musicians of the world who concoct all these wonderful tunes, filling our days with rhythm and melody, making our lives that much more beautiful and romantic..

and i would like to particularly dedicate this post to A.R.Rahman, not only for winning the Oscar for Jai Ho (Slumdog Millionaire), but for all these years of beautiful music this genius has been creating, purely for our listening pleasure.. hats off to you sir!!!

Feb 21, 2009

i changed the name of my blog apparently, though it may not be quite evident as to why i did so. there's no big reason or logic behind this, mostly its because nikhil did the nice chocolate theme for me that i couldn't stop drooling over, and i am addicted to all forms of chocolate and the old title wasn't fitting into the header nicely.. so there!

addiction is a strong word, yet a subtle phenomenon. u begin to do something casually, then enjoy it so you want to do it again.. and then begin to like it and do it a lot, all the time unaware of how often u are beginning to do it.. and it really does take a while before you realise that you have a new 'habit' that you are unable to get rid of.. while the worst addictions are ofcourse alcohol and drugs, people could be addicted to almost anything at all from coffee, to TV, to the internet, food and oh yes, chocolates! and sometimes to other people as well..

am i addicted to anything? why shamelessly i must say, yes. but why should i be shameful of it anyway? it's not like no one else has ever been addicted to anything at all. we all go through it at some point of time and i suppose its something we must all learn to deal with. surprisingly though, my addictions seem to change with time. it seems to me that i come to love doing something so much that i do it so repeatedly and so often that a point would come when im bored and need to look for a new addiction..

when i was a kid, i was addicted to chocolates.
when i was in college, i was addicted to harry potter.
until a few months ago, i was addicted to the show "Friends"
i now suspect i may be addicted to my husband.

i guess the worst that i've ever been through was a food addiction.. coz its made me struggle with my weight on and off.. time and again.. and i guess in a way, addictions never really go away.. they just die down for a while and surface at a later stage in life. i'm rediscovering my love for chocolates and harry potter right now..

can we ever get over an addiction? i'm not sure. i don't really know the answer to that. can we learn to live so that it doesn't affect us drastically? i think the answer to that one is .. yes.

Feb 17, 2009

so.. im back again after a super hectic, tiring weekend of travelling, still trying to get back into the swing of things.

lately i've been spending some time trying to learn about different religions and what they teach, in a quest to understand what life is all about. it's a very interesting exercise, however, far from clearing my doubts its just made me all confused. not that i have read much.. probably like half of the Bhagvad Gita and a few verses from the Quran.. its all written in a language that no one speaks or uses anymore, and so its all open to different interpretations. i know neither Arabic nor Sanskrit and hence heavily depend on the translations and interpretations, which means i can only read some one else's understanding of these holy texts, not the orginal way that God might have intented it to be.

which leads me to think about the whole credibility of religion. if God indeed had revealed these texts to great men in the past, it was obviously done in the language and style that people of those days understood easily and accepted. Obviously God must be aware that times and people change and styles and customs and languages change as well.. why then, can't God reveal the divine secrets or laws of life again to us in a way that we can understand it? In plain simple english.. like..in a blogpost or something.. has God given up on our generation? Is there no hope for us?

then again, this is merely another confusion, a part of my frustration that there are no real answers to my questions.

religious people really believe whatever the Holy texts of their respective religions tell them. Atheists really believe that there is no God. What do I believe? I have no idea.

Not that I dont want to. Believe me, I want more than anything else to have a system, a Guru, a God. Like all human beings, I want to believe that there is a higher power, there is a reason for this silly world, and we are all really going somewhere and all the madness that is this world really has a reason.. but which reason do I believe?

The Quran says that we must follow the rules set down by Allah, and if we sin, on the day of judgement, we will be punished severely. these punishments do seem severe. However, Allah is also forgiving. I assume that the Bible says something similar to that as well. But I dont understand.. how that's possible. Why would God give mankind the gift of free will, and then punish us for our choices? How can God say, you can take road A or road B, its absolutely your wish, but if you take A you'll go to a beautiful, bountiful paradise and if you take B, you will burn in the eternal fire of Hell. That can't be free will can it? No offense, but it sounds kind of sadistic to me. There's seriously something wrong with this concept or my interpretation of it. I'm sure God can't be like that.. there must be some other vital point or logic that we are missing. I want to believe that God is more rational, moderate and loving and not an extremist, no matter what people do.

The Bhagvad Gita, however, doesn't talk about a day of judgement, but of reincarnation. It says that whatever we do out of our free will, we will face the consequences in this world itself, whatever we do, we will think about it deeply at the hour of our death and in this way, we decide the nature of our life and destiny in our next birth, in this way, humans decide their own fate. if we have lived a very pure life and can think of nothing else but God at the time of death, the soul automatically passes on to God, and there will be no more lives. This is the concept of Moksha, or Nirvana. Hell is to be born on this world again and as long as we sin, we will suffer here. Heaven is to do good deeds and attain the realization of God, thus breaking the cycle of reincarnation and attaining freedom. While this is a more liberal or moderate view than the previous one, there are things I don't understand here as well.

Such as, why do we have this cycle in the first place? who are we and how did we accept to be a part of this cycle? did we sign some kind of eternal, binding contract? who made this cycle and for what reason? what is it meant to accomplish? it is believed in all religions that the world will come to an end some day. So what happens when the world is destroyed, to all those souls who are still in the cycle of reincarnation and have not attained their Moksha yet? where will they go? what will they do, since they have not attained the realisation of God yet. there seems to be no answer for that.. or maybe i haven't found it yet.

Is all of this stuff really as serious as we take it. Is it really such a big deal? What if God is just playing a game? What if this is all really just an experiment, or something like a video game. What if we are here just for fun, to play different roles and have a good time. What if in reality, there is no sin and there's nothing wrong to do what we feel like? What if we are just wasting our time in all these rules written centuries and centuries ago, instead of just enjoying ourselves now. or is everyone enjoying, and just me that's confused?

i read a verse in the Bhagvad Gita yesterday that the human eye is not designed to see God. As in even if God showed us, our eye could not see Him/Her. This kind of reminded me of the sound thing we learned in school that the human ear is not designed to hear super sonic stuff. maybe even our brains are not designed to comprehend the secrets of the universe no matter how much we try. maybe me trying to understand all this stuff is as futile as trying to teach an elephant to speak english. maybe i just can't.

but will it stop me trying? will it stop my questions and my quest to find answers? maybe not. im not sure. im still confused.

Feb 12, 2009

horrible headaches

my head is pounding so badly.. i think it would hurt less if i chopped it into a million pieces, stuffed it in a bag and threw into a jaw crusher.

doc says it might be a stress related ache. so im at home trying to rest.. but looks like im addicted to blogging now. couldnt keep myself away for long.

there was this ayurvedic program on TV earlier about headaches. i thought i might get some tips to help me, but this guy said u have to take tulsi powder and inhale it up ur nose. hearing that kind of made my head ache some more..

i wonder what makes an interesting blog? i wonder why people would be interested to read that i have a headache today. or a ear ache tomorrow. why do people write about such stuff.. what could be remotely interesting about the mundane events of the everyday lives of people? and yet so many people blog about it and so many others read these blogs.. ours is a weird generation. maybe we derive comfort when we read about other's lives and find some sense of familiarity, to know that we are not alone..

ok.. im just rambling on about nothing. should try to do this some other time..

Feb 11, 2009

Moral Policing??!

...........is ridiculous!!!!!

in fact, so much so, that any words of protest against it seem like a waste of words. It just weakens me to see that even in this day and age, there are people who believe that women have different rules than men and need to be chaperoned all the time.

I don't mind people having such ideas, i believe that everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, however, these cannot be inflicted on others. It's immoral and wrong to force your ideas on others who simply do not believe them!

And to those who believe that women in pubs are against Hindu culture, I would like to have them know that they know nothing about Hindu culture. This 'so called' culture is not a culture at all, but a strange set of rules concocted by a few men in all their manly pride. I'm no scholar, but of whatever I have read of the religious scriptures, I have never come across anything about the code and conduct of a woman, or what women should and should not do. Even if there are such rules, women should definitely have the freedom of choice as to whether they would like to follow these or not.

If you have no idea what i'm talking about, check this news article here:


Unfortunately, this is not just the case in India or with Hindus, there are several countries and cultures where the policing of women continues to happen. Perhaps we women should get together and start the moral policing of men, go to bars and brothels and beat up men who get drunk and abuse their families. That, is definitely not a part of any culture!

Well, that day may be far away, but there is a really interesting campaign going on in protest of all these events.. It's called the Pink Chaddi Campaign, you can check it out here:


It's a simple, brilliant, innovative, non-violent approach to the issue, though I really doubt how much of an impact it would have on these people with addled brains. Let's hope for the best though, and try to help those who are trying to make a difference..

Meanwhile, a more serious approach to the issue might be to arrange some kind of counselling to such self-appointed moral police. Perhaps they are truly misguided and need to be shown the error of their ways.

Feb 10, 2009


my blog got a makeover.. yippeee!!

thanks to nikhil.. you are the best!

so .. i guess it's pretty obvious that i love chocolates.. :D and with valentine's day around the corner, it's a more obvious hint than ever for someone ;-)

hehe.. i lloooooovvve chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feb 9, 2009

a funny life..

so.. it's 1.56pm.. i'm at work.. trying to work, and trying to think of something to write about as well.. nothing comes to mind so i guess i'll write about how i cant think of anything to write about.. :D

it's been ages since i felt like writing something good. I've always been an avid diary-person. not like a "dear diary, this is what happened today" kind of person, but more like.. penning down thoughts, feelings, ramblings, basically figuring out things on paper.. but the funny thing about me is.. i've always hated keeping my diaries.. as i move on to a new phase in life, i like to take my old diary and tear out each and every page.. it's given me some strange sense of satisfaction.. to know that i'm leaving behind what i've been so far.. i guess it's symbolic of having a fresh start, blank book, new page to start from. I'm weird that way.. but then again.. i'm weird every way..

so many things on my mind these days.. but gone are those days when i actually had time to write down everything.. sit in a corner, diary in hand, pondering over thoughts for hours together.. i guess we could say that was a hobby.. :D

i've always been a dreamy sort of person.. sort of like Luna Lovegood (if you read Harry Potter) but not so looney.. not too sure if i should be saying that with pride or guilt.. but one thing i would say is that it's definitely not a well appreciated quality.. being lost in ur own world, you often find yourself rudely awakened to a reality that seems much much more harsh than it is.. and people unforgiving of your absent mindedness. dreaminess is a quality portrayed with such romance in books and movies.. the misunderstood princess, the ugly duckling, the sleeping beauty, the ill treated step-daughter.. all biding their time, waiting, watching, dreaming.... and in the end they all get their fairy-tale ending...

unfortunately, in reality, dreaminess is more of a curse than a romantic phenomenon.. in a competitve world full of rat races and cat races and dog races, ur plight becomes more like that kid from "Taare Zameen Par".. and there's not always an "Aamir Khan" to come and rescue you.. and soon you find most of your crazy dreams crashing down at the speed of light, hitting rock bottom, shattering to a thousand pieces.. leaving you crushed, maybe for lifetime you think....

Then someone comes a-long, gives you some hope, a hope of a better life, a better way, a new way.. maybe there is a way.. you hope new hopes, dream new dreams.. maybe there's a way through these dreams to reality.. but this time there's something different.. there's a fear.. a fear of falling, a fear of crashing, you hesitate to spread those wings, to soar into new realms of happiness.. and so you wait.. wait for a sign, wait for a signal.. something to tell you that this is the right one, this is the right time.. its going to be right this time.. terrified of rejection, you wait, you watch.. and you keep watching until one day you find it all walking away from you. Just like that. it's almost as though you expected it to happen.. it's almost as though you knew it would.. there's tears in your eyes but your heart feels numb.. as though its been preparing for this moment all along.. you aren't crushed but you have no hope either.. and this funny life just goes on.....

And then there comes a time when u have had enough. you realise that you have been setting yourself up for failure all along. you decide that enough is enough and it's time you had some happiness too. you decide that if life wont give it to you, you'll go and snatch it up for yourself. you realise that no one is going to come and stand up for you except for you.. and then.. miraculously.. everything changes! you find the person you've always been waiting for.. you find the person who will hold your hand and stand up for you.. and will leave you amazed.. amazed at how unbelievable this life can be.. at how it was coming all along.. how it was on the way.. waiting and watching, just to be sure that this is what you wanted, to be sure that you wanted it enough to go and get it..

you might think you now have your fairy tale.. and this is life's rosy ending. but instead you find this is just the beginning, because having your fairy tale means working hard to make it last forever.. and hence life goes on... in a series of delights and disappointments... this funny life goes on and on.. where to, no one knows..