Oct 31, 2010

Getting him talking!

This is something I wrote a year ago...

Today is a significant day. A revelation has been made to me that could alter the course of my future happiness. I’ve managed to make a discovery of something that has eluded me for some time now and probably many other women as well.

It’s true. I’ve finally been able to figure out what it takes to get a man talking about his feelings. Tried, tested, and it works. Surprisingly, it turned out to be something that I never expected, and something that women are not used to at all. Silence.

Yes, silence. And that’s all there is to it. Just give them a dose of their own behavior and you wouldn’t believe how much they can talk. Agreed, it’s not easy. It’s nothing like talking with your girlfriend. It’s easy to get us girls talking about problems and feelings. We just ooh and aah at the right places, empathize or sympathize with each other and we’re feeling so good in no time at all. Apparently doing this to a man is nothing short of murdering any little inclination that he might have in him to talk.

Ever seen in movies how men are able to pour out their guts to bartenders who serve them a drink and say nothing at all? Well I just found out that all we have to do is be that bartender. Want to get a man talking? Then be a man, not a woman.

Men don’t appreciate empathy. And they certainly don’t want any measure of our sympathy. They don’t want any of that ‘Oh my poor baby’.. or ‘you could have done that, you should have said that’.. or ‘I understand what you’re going through’.. All they need is someone to listen silently with no advice or judgment and they will be more than happy to share everything that’s inside of them.

And once they’re done sharing, we must not start with.. ‘so how did that make you feel?’ type questions. Such statements confuse them because they really are not as in touch with their feelings as girls are. So they try to give an answer and fail, then get put off and stop talking completely. Men share in bits and pieces, as and when it comes to them. And the interim needs to be filled with drinks, or a watching a game, or a filler conversation about technology, gadgets or current affairs. And so, one by one, we need to collect the pieces of the puzzle, put them together and there we have it, the whole picture.

So it all sounds good. But does it really work, you wonder. Well, it does. It does! I tried it today and it worked beautifully. I was on the phone with my partner and asked him how his day was. He said it was all fine except for one small incident where he lost his temper at some random annoying character. I asked him what had happened and there was silence.

Normally, in such a case I would have asked him if he wanted to talk about it, assured and reassured him that I would understand, that I was on his side no matter what. I would have made a little speech about how concerned I am about his health and temperament. By the end of that, all I would get was a ‘I don’t want to talk about it right now.’ So dejecting right? But not today. Today was different. Today I said nothing. He said there was a minor incident at work and all I gave him was an extended ‘Ohh!’ and then silence.

I waited, even though I was quite skeptical about the whole thing. I was sorely tempted to start persuading him to talk but I resisted. And then finally, out of nowhere he started to tell me what had happened. He told me everything. Every. Single. Thing. It was just awesome. I know I should have been feeling bad for his little incident but I was secretly rejoicing my wonderful discovery and newfound success. It was the most wonderful feeling I had had in a while. So then he was done sharing. And what did I do? I did not give him my 2 cents. I did not judge. I did not comment. Just kept silent for a while and then started discussing the launch of Windows 7. Now if I was talking to a girl this would have been a terrible, heartless thing to do. But to my amazement, he jumped topics instantly and was with me. It was incredible. I could tell that he was enjoying talking to me. I could make out the difference.

22nd October, 2009. I finally figured how to talk to my man. And how to get him talking.


  1. lols! sumi...that was a splendid post..loved it, I must say!

  2. Can't your husband read this post? Hez gonna feel like a lab-rat. Being a man myself, I would ack that what you've discovered is real and practical. Enjoy the journey.

  3. This is the first post of yours that I read so thought of coming back and saying this. The reason why I can relate to a lot of what you write is because I feel the same in many ways. There's a blog that I write (not too frequently anymore, sadly) that's not in my blogger list. Just wanted to leave the link. www.thewayialwayswas.blogspot.com

  4. @Nags: Thanks for returning to an old post, I read it again myself and it felt good. I love finding bloggers who think and write like me, writings that I can relate to, and people who can relate to my writings. Unfortunately, I've found very few. So I'm happy you left this comment. I've seen this blog you posted before and read some of your posts there. Will go through it again now.

  5. Really nice!! :)

  6. @Sumitra: Providing solutions to easy problems are simple. Aah.. If only men could provide simple solutions like this to reading, decoding and deciphering their partner's minds ..Sigh :(