Jun 5, 2010

Love vs.hatred

Do the actions of a select few warrant hatred towards an entire race, religion or nation of people?
This question has been nagging me for a bit. And the obvious, logical answer that occurs to me is a big NO.

And yet I see hatred around me. Here are some examples of ‘people-in-hatred’ (as I like to call them) I have met and known personally:

1. Hindus who hate Muslims
2. Muslims who hate Hindus
3. People who hate the darker-skinned
4. Muslims who hate Jews
5. Men who hate women and vice-versa
6. Brahmins who hate non-Brahmins. Vice-versa holds good too
7. Andhras who hate Telanganas and vice-versa
8. North-Indians who hate South Indians and vice-versa
9. ‘Good people’ who hate ‘Bad people’
10. Teachers who hate children and vice versa

I am not going to pretend to be a saint here. I have passionately hated as well. Sometimes even the people I love the most, I hate them from time to time.

Sometimes I hate my husband so much that it makes me want to hate all men.
Sometimes I hate my mother so much that it makes me want to hate all mothers.

I think this hate is a natural process. This hate springs from anger and being hurt. Anger and hurt towards the actions of the other person. And once this anger cools down, I begin to realize precisely that. I hate the actions, not the person. I love the person, and I always will.

My Guru says that it’s very easy to love a person when they are long gone, and very easy to hate them when they are right here in our lives.

And yet, we search for love. Our entire lives, we search for true love. We try to comprehend it, to define it. All the while, retaining a huge chunk of hatred within us.

From all the points mentioned above, I reach two conclusions as mentioned below:
1. That which pleases us, we love.
2. That which is unpleasant to us, we hate.

All the while, forgetting this: That which pleases us and that which displeases us have all sprung from the same source, the same hand of the creator, whom we all love… or at least claim to do so.

The hypocrisy of which we are guilty, it pains me. It pains me to know that I am a hypocrite.

In my weakest moments, I form judgments and opinions. In my strongest and most beautiful moments, I find within me understanding and acceptance.

In my weakest moments, I close my eyes. I see:

My husband: he does things from time to time that hurt me. Sometimes we are two opposite ends of a pole. He just cannot agree with me. I judge him. He is cold, cruel. He has no emotions, feelings. How can he claim to love me? I judge him. I hate.

A politician: the greed, the selfishness, the corruption. I see nothing but that, I judge. All the people suffering around and yet this breed of people are unmoved from their motives. I hate, I hate, I hate.

A dictator/A terrorist/A criminal: The highest form of evil in my eyes. They slay the innocent. Where are their ethics, their values? Do they have any? I judge. I hate.

In my strongest moments, I close my eyes. I see:

My husband:
Is a logical man. He does things that make sense to him. He does things that are good in the long run. Feelings do not bother him. I cannot sway him from that which makes sense. I am the illogical one. He is only being himself. I cannot judge him for that. I can only love him for that, for who he is. I see the man, a creation of nature, full of love. I see the wonderful person that he is. I understand why he is the way he is. I can accept it. I fall helplessly in love.

A politician:
I see a child growing up in utmost poverty. The only thing that works is survival of the fittest. To survive, one has to snatch, be greedy and selfish. That is the only way to avoid starvation and annihilation. The child is powerful. Able to make use of these opportunities, adapt and survive. Selfishness becomes a way of life. A way of life that has always worked.

I see a child grow up in riches. The child of the selfish, corrupt, greedy parent. The parent who has no time for anything but making more money. Growing up in that kind of environment, that’s all the child has been raised to believe. Money is everything. Cleverness and manipulation reap rich dividends. It’s not at all surprising to me if this child grows up as an imitation of the parent.

As this entire drama unfolds before me, I wonder at it all. At how these things happen. This is obviously the will of the creator. I see these children growing into adults. I can understand why they are the way they are. I can accept it. It is circumstantial. I can separate the person from their deeds. I can now love the person. And reject their deeds.

A dictator/A terrorist/A criminal:
I see a child. Father is a drunk and abuses his mother. Beats her up and the child too.
I see a child. Sexually abused at the age of 6 by the caretaker of the orphanage.
I see a child. Sold off into slavery, fingers cut off and is made to beg on the streets.
I see a child. Comes home from school happily one day to find the parents murdered in their own home.
I see a child. Sold to terrorist camps and brainwashed into believing whatever is taught.
I see a child. Living a life of abuse, terror, shock. Forced to grow up several years in a hurry and begin to behave as an adult. The severe mental trauma at a tender, innocent age causes several psychological disorders. In other words, a child whose mind has been addled.
I see a child. With these psychological disorders, growing into an adult whose view of the world can be nothing but negative. Nothing but pain and sorrow. Nothing but becoming the cause of pain and sorrow to everyone and everything around them. To this adult it is now justified. It is the right thing. It all makes sense.
I can now understand why they are the way they are. I can accept. I can love. Yes, even a terrorist. I have it in me to love.

I imagine that in the most strongest moment of my life, I can close my eyes to understand why all human beings are the way they are. Each and every one. I can accept everything. I can separate the person and their actions. Just like taking a cassette tape out of a recorder. I can separate me and my actions. I can see that fundamentally all people are exactly the same as me. It’s their life experiences and actions that make them different. When I put that aside, I can realize that everyone is like me. I know that then, I cannot help but fall hopelessly in love with all of humanity. There can be no hatred. Whatsoever.

Many times, however, I am weak. I am consumed by hatred. I wish I could be stronger.


  1. hi sumi, ur article is toogood, this happens to everyone's life depend upon the mood, bt u narrated this is very gud with examples. keep writing.

  2. devi anni, thank you so much! im glad you liked what i wrote.

  3. My lecturer back in my college days said that Hatred is a strong word and not to use it often. Hatred is not the same as dislike. Use Hatred sparingly. The more i think about it, the more sense it makes. Will u call me a CEC if i said 'Empathy' :D Empathizing has not been very easy for me.

  4. "Hate" I guess is the strongest word in the dictionary that can inflict a life time of pain to someone without you even touching that person physically. Can it be curbed- Yes! Can it be removed- Never!!
    As kalpana said "Use Hatred sparingly" and u will have more ppl liking you and vice versa :)

  5. Amazing article! So profound. I came across your blog randomly and could not stop reading!!

  6. @sunshine: thanks, i'm so glad!