Nov 28, 2010

Love Because...

“I love God because God loves me.”

Quite honestly, to me, the above statement sounds twisted.

What if I found out God did not love me after all. Does that mean I would not love God anymore?

My elders did not teach me how to pray. There was no method. I had to stand in the pooja room and put my palms together just like everyone else did. And then wait till everyone stopped. That was all there was to it. As a kid I would recite a few 'mantras' my Grandmother taught me, and everyone would go like, “Awww.. how adorable!” No one really cared what the mantras meant anyway. In a way, I am very very grateful for this. I guess it is because of this that I have no opinions, and because of this that I can be open and honest about certain things.

As I grew older, I tried asking for things. Eyes closed, palms together and I would make a list in my head. First rank, new shoes, pretty bag, make my parents proud.. and so on. After a while, it felt fake. If this is really God I'm talking to, I figured, what's the point of asking? If 'God' was right here, in front of me right now, I should be so overwhelmed that I would go crazy with tears... not remember that the guy I have a crush on should notice me! It all seemed so petty to me. So I stopped asking.

I then tried to think, “God, I love you.” That thought made me feel sort of empty. Sure, I knew what love was. I loved my parents, and just a few of my friends. Not even all of them. And strangers, I was sure I didn't love any of them. So what was it about God that I should love, I questioned. Should I love because of the good life He/She/It has given me? Well, that would be gratitude, not love. Besides, would I not love if I had a bad life? No, there was something missing with this concept of loving God, something was just not right to me.

And so for a long long time, at every festival and every temple, where I had to put up the farce of closing my eyes and putting my palms together, I thought of nothing. Absolutely nothing. I had nothing to say to God, and I was honest about it.

Today, things are different, life is different. My perception is very different. Today, I don't even bother going into a Temple. Most of the times, I don't bother putting up any farce. Today, when I have my 'eyes closed, palms together,' I am still blank. But this blank is not like what it used to be. This blank is beautiful. This blank is bliss. This blank is absolute and all-encompassing. This blank is Love.

Overwhelming love. So much that if I were to open my eyes and find a stranger beside me, I could hug them as I would hug my own. So much that if I were to find a tree before me, I would be in love with every single aspect of it. I would love every flower, every grasshopper, every vegetable and every rock. I once saw a cat hunt a chameleon (something I would normally be disgusted at) and felt nothing but love. Love for creation.

Love. Not Because. Just.